Go Go Mayo

I am the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
Want a favor? Or a flavor
I'm always down
Turn that frown upside down
You have a weird looking face now
Dont believe it
Just face it
You ain't gonna forget
I'm not the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
I'm some random guy in a wedding gown
Saw this computer up and runnin
Thought I'd write something funny
I am hearing footsteps now
Im gonna throw in the towel
First, Mayo is an egg head
Dont believe the lies that you've been fed

A single Haiku

I always believe
That believing is belief
That is my belief


The reason I have done this is because for the next week, I will be uploading some pages from a book I am working on. Stay tuned.

Mayo of Burgah Tahown Redux

I am the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
When you are here, try not to frown
The Hotdogs bark and chase their buns
Trying to catch their ketchup tails in the sun
Bacon proposes to Patty with an onion ring
She says yes, because of course she would
They'll relish the sound of the Taco Bell's ring
Their first dance is the salsa
Her dress if made of bright blue cotton candy
Seeing this makes an old mayo sing
Then they chi chi real smooth
It's a Sunny D AY out in the world
Cheese Louise knitted them a fine Swiss blanket
And they Swiss roll out in style
I love you honey, they say
As they roll to their honey moon pie
It's great to be the Mayo kind of guy

Poem Made of Words

I write
Despite
I have a computer
But I am one of fewer
Who prefers ink
To an uplink
That nice hand to paper
Light as a feather
I want my ideas to flow
Key strokes are just slow
I want everything I think
To appear first with no hyperlink
I need to believe that
Spell check won't cut the fat
It needs to be this way
Tomorrow and everyday

eye floaty poem

Out of the corner of my eye, I see you there
 I wonder if you are just a straggling hair
A floating appiration of pure darkness
At first in the shadows, and now this
Why are you hanging around me?
Creeping around invisibly?
Some derangede rope of demon creativity?_
One that's there but hardly seen
Are you nice or are you mean?
You floaty little string.

Lemons (A poetic homage)

Lemons get a bad rap
Why do they symbolize crap?
Like a bad car isn't a specific citrus
Whether it is a Buick or a Prius
Oranges and limes are obviously similar
But saying, "When life gives you limes?" Is unfamilar
Plus with limes you can make pie
But you an do that with lemons too. So why?
Oranges can make orange juice
But lemons make lemonade, which seems obtuse
Lime and lemons are partial skin swaps
Like calling something a wet or dry mop
They are the same
And I think limes are lame
One letter away
Lemons are cool, that's what I say.

Pokemon MayGo

I am the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
Sorry, but I am currently out of town
I hope that doesn't make you frown
Heard there was a herd of garlic bulbasaur
And it hit me to my apple core
I got in my carrot cake car
Saw a bunch of little debbies
And some Swiss Miss
And a baby Hershey kiss
Wandering around a food court yard
Trying oh oh so hard
To catch a garlic bulbasar
I hope you aren't sore
I'm the Mayo of Brugah Tahown
Keep yourself looking for a catch
And you'll never frown
Ketchup all.

Poetic: Sentencing

For your crimes of stealing
You can use this pole to be forever reeling.
You would totally wish
That there were fish
But in your desperation
You'll die of starvation
Or dehydration
Honestly, don't drink the water
Because it is hotter
Than the sun
Of a jalapeno bun
Made with habanero grain
Dont eat the fish, it'll cost you pain
this is just what fishing is
At least what fishing is to kids.

Mystery of Burgah

I am the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
I am always around
We sew our clothes from chocolate silk
Make our cotton candy into quilts
You can buy them at the Farmer's Market
From the lady named Betty Crocket
Chez it maybe
It's gouda for your family
A punch, a dab of cherry
Meet the Berry
The man doing things for Citrus
He sells a sandwich
Wish for what you want
And good luck

Hypocrisy Crisis

You see me in the starbucks
You see that I am a fox
I am orange and whitish
Like a frightening radish
Write a poem with my paw
Open Sugar in the Raw
Put in my saucer of milk
While I pet the chicken silk

Kill kill kill kill kill kill
I'm a wild animal
Can you tell, at all?
While you shop in the mall
Watching a fox write a book
Holding a coffee and a nook

They don't serve chicken in this place
Only coffee by the case
I killed a chicken to bring here
While I drink from a flask of beer
Yeeehaw see here
Look into the mirror
Poor little chicken full of fear
Strapped like a headlight on a deer

Poem in the Gnomeland

In Gnomeland there's a thing
It looks silver like a birds wing
The thing is round, and somewhat brown
This thing sits low on the ground
No matter where you look, it's around
It creeps and it crawls
Towards jeeps and walls
Is this thing big or small?
With beady eyes like a bug
Fuzzy like an afghan rug
A little blue lobster tail
A cape made of crinkly kale
Little bit of zebra skin
A body made of a trash bin
What the heck is this thing?
Meh, call it the Robbewoping

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Recipe for Destruction (If we called delicious things destruction)

In today's lecture we will be talking about deliciousness. Are you worried that you don't have enough money for this recipe? Well, don't. This Delicious Food costs less than $5. Believe me? Well, do.

What you are going to need:

1 can of refried beans
1 amount of garlic powder
1 spoonful of liquid cheese
7 processed cheese slices
1 amount of onion powder

What you need to do.

Put mixture into container. Mix said mixture until you think it is a mixture. Then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes and mix it again!

Now eat it with some sort of cracker shaped object!

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: WATERMELON

This silly Saturday post is a DR. Hounchell lecture about watermelon. I have 22 easy steps to enjoy it. Follow closely.

1. Firmly check if it is rip by patting it.

2. If it sounds hollow, it is ripe enough

3. Buy said watermelon/pull it from the ground

4. Take said watermelon to your home

5. Find a very sharp knife

6. Lay down paper, so you don't get watermelon juice everywhere

7. Slice up said water melon

8. Do this by cutting it like a huge orange.

9. Make sure your slices are about the length of a baseball

10. Find a bowl

11. Chill watermelon

12. Come back in several hours

13. Check to see if watermelon is cold

14. If watermelon is cold, pull from container

15. Put watermelon in bowl, so you don't drip it's stickiness on the floor

16. Find a fork for said watermelon slices

17. Drizzle sugar on said watermelon

18. Skip steps 1 through 17

19. Throw away gross watermelon

20. Contemplate why people even buy that stuff

21. Take gross trash out.

22. YOU'RE WELCOME

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: Experimentation

So? You want to try something completely new? Like mixing salmon and ice cream? Or writing a multiple choice novel? Well, if you follow there 10 easy steps in order, you will be fine.

7. Do what you want, because no one can stop you from being you, as long as what you do is within normal legal thingamajigs.

9. Put two/four but never three things together that most people would never put together. Exp. Hot Cocoa mix and Soda.

1. Keep telling people that if they never tried it, then how will they know if it is good or bad. For example a BLT sounds like a strange idea, when you consider that it is leaves, vegetable embryos, pig meat, and mashed up grains.

3. There are no rules, only suggestions.

5. Never talk about Fight Club

4. If all else fails make a creative facebook post and throw it to the internet.

8. Can't go wrong with jelly beans.

2. Never ever never talk about Fight Club Sandwiches.

6. You don't need to know how to count.

3. Repeat yourself as often as need be.

10. Anything you do is possible as long as you have the drive. Sometimes life is not about whether or not someone gets enjoyment out of what you do. Life is about finding joy in your life. Keep that in mind when trying something new.

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: Experimentation

So? You want to try something completely new? Like mixing salmon and ice cream? Or writing a multiple choice novel? Well, if you follow there 10 easy steps in order, you will be fine.

7. Do what you want, because no one can stop you from being you, as long as what you do is within normal legal thingamajigs.

9. Put two/four but never three things together that most people would never put together. Exp. Hot Cocoa mix and Soda.

1. Keep telling people that if they never tried it, then how will they know if it is good or bad. For example a BLT sounds like a strange idea, when you consider that it is leaves, vegetable embryos, pig meat, and mashed up grains.

3. There are no rules, only suggestions.

5. Never talk about Fight Club

4. If all else fails make a creative facebook post and throw it to the internet.

8. Can't go wrong with jelly beans.

2. Never ever never talk about Fight Club Sandwiches.

6. You don't need to know how to count.

3. Repeat yourself as often as need be.

10. Anything you do is possible as long as you have the drive. Sometimes life is not about whether or not someone gets enjoyment out of what you do. Life is about finding joy in your life. Keep that in mind when trying something new.

Dr. Hounchell's Everything and Life 101: Writing Exercises

Everyone who has ever written has probably had an issue in which they are unable to create a full fledged idea or simply they cannot continue an idea that they currently have. Herein this lecture I'll teach you my five tips to continue writing.

1. Just keep going: At first, I will admit that this particular tip seems easier said then done, but on the contrary it is equally easy in both regards. All I am suggesting is that you continue your idea at any costs. Mark the page you start your continued story, and if need be you can destroy the new pages you create. Just keep going, no matter what the cost. Maybe your character can fly, maybe she can breathe fire, there are plenty of valid ways to continue.

2. Death Fight Murder Club: Create a tournament bracket in which your character and several others will fight to the death. Will this help your writing? Meh. It is still really fun.

3. Do not stress: Just remember, the story will end, because you want it to, but before you stress out about finding out your well of creativity is completely empty, perhaps take a nap.

Follow any guide, except TV guide, and you will be writing again.

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Inventing

Moat people want to leave their mark on the word, which is why we have things like the Ford motor company. Here are my fictions to helping YOU invent something.

1. If your idea already exists, make it glow in the dark. Pepper spray or flashlight? Make it glow in the dark and it is all yours.

2. Give if an incredably  interesting name. Like a salt gun called A salt Rifle? The easier to remember it is the better.

3. If you have a way to shave off 3 seconds from people's daily routines, then you will be millionaire very soon. Such as a device which makes putting the fourth corner of a fitted sheet on a bed easier.

4. Multipurpose is great! Instant ramen down can be used for soup and it can be a hat.

5. If it makes a food novelty, people want it. Like big top cupcake. That is just a cupcake shaped cake.

This will give you money.

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Burgah Tahown

So, you want to write a Mayo of Burgah Tahown type poem? Well, there's only three steps to this easy poetic gibberish.

1. Think of a list of either funny sounding foods or beverages or ones that seem like they could replace existing words. Like Cabbage and Carriage. Keep the food words in mind.

2. Add the food words to otherwise normal sounding things. Inserting them madlib style into your idea with no actual thought.

3. Make sure it has a natural flow.

Example:

I am zee Maho of Burgore Tahohn
I watched Cinderella go down
The dairy God mother turned a cabbage
Into an elegant Carriage
She turned ice
Into a horse that was nice
The story of the Prince and the Jalapeno pauper
Was about to spice up proper
Luckily, they found each other
In a field of cauliflowers.
This is a happy day in Tahohn
I will never frown

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Belonging

Todays Lecture Topic: Belonging

To belong is something that every person wants at some point in their life. We want others to be accepting. In reality there are several ways to belong!

They involve Five Core Ways:

1. Listening. If you want to be part of a group, listening to them intently, and acting as though you care is a great way to not only prove you are empathetic, bit you learn social dynamics.

2. Food. Everyone wants food. Buy food or catch food for your potential cohorts, so that you can prove to the leader of the pack that you have worth as a core group member!

3. Positivity. Whether you take this to mean having a positive attitude or to be assertive is irrelevant as they are both helpful things associated with activity.

4. Fire. If you have passion that burns with the heat of a grill that can cook hotdogs, then you can cook hotdogs too!

5. Time. Prove to your newfound friends that you will be there time after time by singing the song Time after Time until they thing you are reliable.

Follow these rules and you will Belong.

Rival Tahown

I am thee Mayo of Celeryville
Creator of Cruella DeVile
Jalapeno party poppers
pop with delight and a heated flash
The sales Watermelman
Sold me a lemon!
I'm raisin' a handful of raisins
In my house made of peanut butter cups
They're my little ants on a log
Not like Burgah Tahown and his blog
I'm more of a family man
With friends from Candyland
Even those stripped candy canes
I'm going to take his reigns
Everything I say will always rhyme
And limes will be a nickle not a dime
I am thee Mayo
And I already know
I'll defeat the other
Even if he is my brother