5 Original Sentences About Shoes

1. The shoes were not afraid of the wild blue berries in the bush outside of the cabin, but rather they truly did not like their blue luster.

2. Whilst wearing shoes that allow communication with the dead, you must never touch an orange.

3. Wearing computers as shoes had become a point of contention at the school for the legally blind possums.
4. Carl Carlson's shoes were so green, he thought that he could throw them into a well and they would turn into a tree.

5. Trees wear no shoes, not because they don't have feet, but because they have no hands.

Time on a Circle

Though a clock is round
I find what cannot be found
Makes it seem as though there's no end
No reason why for time to bend
Forever and ever, the wheels turn
No matter what, the sun continues to burn
According to a clock, time spins
Until even when
Time is unlike this
Ever risk has a consequence
Every moment
A resonance
If time were round from edge to edge
What would it matter if you stood at the edge
Time is more like a triangle
Points of contention
Points of change and innovation
Meeting at least one definitive end
Because a triangles cannot bend
Triangles do not roll
This is the representation of the soul

Crime Time: Nostalgia Money

Based on a magical thing that I like to call the Nostalgia Factor, I think I have a brilliant money making scheme. If you have no idea how this factor can be implemented, look no further than Star Wars or South Park.

So, how can you make money with a crime? Sometimes crime is unnecessary.

What you really need is rocks, paint, and maybe string. Go to the store nearest you that has paint. Take yourself a few paint samples, now walk to the nearest pile of rocks, take some rocks. Now pain the rocks to look like little creatures. You have yourself some painted money via nostalgia factor. Now just sell it!

Poetic Movie Review of Captain America: Civil War

Civil War may be flawed
I care not since Hawkeye got a job
Sure, Spider-man makes an appearance
Sure. Captain American makes a disappearance
Let's not talk of this
And take no risks
Then only superhero worthwhile
Isn't the one fighting Hitler or a lizard Crocodile
It is the guy with the bow
The one who never truly shows
Yet, do I smell a bromance
Between Clint and Antman
Sure Iron Man was there
I don't really care
The action is intense
But it makes it up
With something more than fair
Clint is there!
Really all you need to know
Is that that handsome Devil with the bow
He'll be there arrow in hand
Take on all the science-y mans
With this in mind
4.5 out of 5

10 Best Fruits in the Universe.

1. Apple.
Apples go in pie and they look like little fruit grenades. They also make a dang fine cider.

2. Banana.
Bananas go into muffins and they look like guns. Muffins and guns. Guffins.

3. Pomegranate.
Natures pocket of little bubbles. When you eat it, it makes you look like a vampire, but you are just eating a fruit.

4. Mango.
I don't know what it is about mangoes, but they are delicious. They also are spelled like tango.

5. Orange.
Anything flavored orange cannot be bad. Maybe even paint.

6. Strawberry.
If I was in a court trying to defend strawberry as a fruit, I probably wouldn't have to try especially hard. I could just say, "Do I need a defense."

7. Blueberry.
It is blue, what can I say.

8. Black Berries
You can pull them off of a bush and eat them while you are watching a football game through your neighbors window, so that is pretty cool.

9. Cashew.
Did you know that cashews come from a fruit?

10. Avocado
The bacon of the fruit world. :)

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Advertisement

Today's topic: Advertisement

Ads are strange, very much so actually. Let's take a moment though to think about why.

Ads are weird because they target you specifically. Do you know what else targets you? Guns. People with guns. Alien planets with death rays in the sky. 

Take a minute to think about the kinds of ads that target you too. They are almost all for products rather than for services. And almost none of the ads are for food. They are all for a type of shirt or a cell phone or a video game. Why though?

Is it because people are greedy for money? Is it because pterodactyls will fly from another dimension to steal all of the mustard from your fridge. Maybe. But what if it is even more sinister than that. What if there is a limited amount of creativity to go around and with ad revenue some people cannot go on creating content like an awesome blog or an awesome twitter, or you know awesome books. 

What I am trying to tell you is that you go played. This entire piece was an advertisement for my absurdist masterpiece. 

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Out-Time-AM-Hounchell-ebook/dp/B01GICTZSQ/ref=la_B01LAHL546_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484697869&sr=1-1

That's a link to it. 

Another Invention: C-Mail (Sea-Mail)

So, we have email's. The e obviously stands for electronic, and as infinitely interesting as this may be, I believe it to be an impersonal method of communication. At the same time, it lacks a certain amount of wonder that I get when I open a physical letter.

So let's start a two fold business. We will call it C-Mail. It is about throwing bottles into the ocean with messages written inside of them, and whatever contact info written inside into the ocean.

This is two fold, because it would allow for excitement of opening a normal letter and gaining a pen pal, and it would force people to pick trash out of the ocean.

Am I a genius? Yes. Millionaire in 6 months. Perfect.

PSA: Honestly, Don't Listen

Don't listen. Maybe if people tell you to, sure. If they tell you what you can't do. If they tell you the limitations. Don't listen. 

The thing is, put your mind to it. I will do everything I can to remind everyone with a dream to chase it. You always need that exhilarating childlike feeling, so chase it. Chase it to the end of the block, to the edge of the fence, maybe even to Mars.

There is nowhere that you can't go. Dare to believe in yourself, even if you are the only one who does. Even if people think they know what is right, don't listen. Just because one person says something negative, it isn't a sign to listen.

You can accomplish whatever you want. So go. Go and do it. 

Poem: Substitution

A substitution
What a wonderful delusion
If I wanted chicken and rice
I would have never said the word fries
A sub station
Sub par
Breaks my heart
The idea I wanted a subsititue
Implies there was never a first
As substitutions go, this is the worst
I've learned over time
To accept every lie
If I can be a person
There is a substituted version
No, I'd like no loyalty
I'd like a disloyal reality
Whatever it is, whole or part
It lacks everything, even the heart
A substitution is a reboot
A semi-anual second thought
Like a hotdog pretending to be brat
Freedom has no substitution
So what have we here?
If this isn't equal?
Then we have everything to fear.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Books

Today's topic is books. Books, if you haven't seen them are kind of like blogs made of paper. lf you have never seen paper, it is what receipts are made of and gum wrappers.

It has always been starve to me that books are rectangular. Cubic makes more sense for storage. Trapazoidal too. Even scrolls make sense, because they are like cylinders that you can put in a pantry.

I do think that hat I know why books are in rectangular shapes. There used to be a time where rooms were more book then they were room. These rooms were called libraries.

As my theory would go, books are actually rectangular because they are bricks of knowledge made for academia. Use the building blocks of knowledge and now you can build learning. Perfect.

It makes sense.

Poetic Movie Review of Fan4stic

Stretch armstrong
He isn't tall, but he'll get long
And he'll get along with Ben
His dumb but nice friend
In the past when they were kids
Creating science things
And teleporting and such
Living a lie and destroying a school
Thinking science nerds and lame movies are cool
Flash forward
Flash forward
You you flash bored
Continue to creates team
Of characters that are oh so lame
They can't deliver lines
Their powers are ill-defined
They aren't charasmatic
On stage or with each other
Prepare to roll your eyes harder
The climax is lackluster
And so was this wannabe blockbuster
With that and this dull lie
I give this movie -3 out of 5

Prime Time for Crime: Quick Buck

Believe or not, it is against the law to cut hair for money if you have no lisecence, but...

All you have to do is take a suggested donation. It can be money, which is interesting, but why not instead, you suggest something more valuable then money. What about bagles. The people who don't pay in bagles can pay a donation of $4 or something.

Take those bagels and also have a side business for bagles. Sell the bagles for $2 each. And you don't have to pay for bagles! Millionaire!!!

Top 10 Movies of All Time (As Told by Me)

1. Deadpool.
Deadpool encompasses everything that should be loved about a movie. Fun characters. Fun dialogue. Action. Vaguely defined setting. Profanity. And a handsome vengeful protagonist, who isn't a superhero.

2. The Fox and the Hound.
This movie has it all. Animated animals. Songs. And it has murder, friendship, and forgiveness. What more could you want?

3. Zootopia.
See the above reasoning. Also it has Jason Bateman playing a fox. He's playing himself.

4. The Time Travelers Wife.
It is a movie with time travel and love. It involves the betrayal of the main character by a past version of himself. And it is sweet and heart felt.

5. Coherence
It is a movie without a real script that was mostly improvised. It cost almost nothing to make and it it is about alternative universe.

6. Push
Admittedly, Push wasn't good in the traditional movie sense, but it allowed for an insane amount of fun. It was about a telekinetic guy, played by Chris Evans.

7. Back to the Future
It is about time travel and it has rock and roll, it couldn't be better.

8. Schindler's List
It is sad, but it is beautiful and historical. No time travel, animated animals, or fun.

9. Eraser Head:
It is werid. That is all I can saw, and that is hard enough.

10. There can never be a tenth bullet. The tenth bullet implies that the list can ever be complete, but more movies exist on a regular basis, and who know what will go in this place. Anything.

Dr, Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Dreams

Today's subject is dreams.

I've had this theory for a very long time. And it doesn't really make any sense, but I believe the reasoning to line up somewhere.

It goes that when you are in a dream, you don't remember the real world. In the real world, even the best dreams can be easily forgotten.

Anyway, what if the real world is just the dreamworld of the dreamworld. As in, you are living a duality. That would explain why you must sleep, because you must be awake in the dreamworld to survive there too.

When you are in a coma or sleep for long periods of time, you feel exhausted because you are basically an insomniac in the dreamworld.

See?

Make sense? Probably not.  

Another Wacky Invention: Cookie Dough-Doughnuts

This invention is ridiculously easy. It could make you trillions of dollars and only cost you a smidgen in lawsuits.

Roll raw cookie dough into a doughnut shape and then sell it.

Instant millionaire?

Poetic Movie Review of Saw

See Saw Run?
No you won't
Lest you slit your throat
Loose a limb
Drop a key over the brim
It is gory
The least in the series
A life lesson taught swift
Like a godly kick
In a way so sick
Teacher of wisdom
Keeper of the tape recorder thumb
It is brilliant
Yet original
See humanity has fell
You can't
Eyes sewed shut
Shotgun to gut
Wanna play game?
Life's a game
And living is the prize
His name is Jigsaw
And that is puzzling
He's sometimes a puppet
And that is troubling
Wake to his voice
And you'll have to make a choice
Live or die
3 out of five.

A Portion of Running out of Time: A Personal WIP

The Flamingo of Order was without purpose, since everything was now so orderly. Finally, things were in the correct chronological order. Now, which was the perfect order. Much better than color coded, or alpha ,or alphabetical, or even by intensity of emotions a certain thing brings about in your general soul.

The world no longer needed him, so one day, he stood atop a hill with one leg in a rock, and he turned into a bright pink sword. Perhaps, someday there would be a King of the Hill that would pull the sword from the stone to restore Order to the world.

Luckily, he did not leave the world unprotected. His son, Special Order, was left in case the world needed more order. In his father's eyes, justice had always been made to Order, but after Warren, the world needed something extra on the side. The world could no longer use cookie cutter justice, instead it needed customized order built for any situation.

“Will you be loading your soft drink to an XL to celebrate 40 years of peace?” Special Order said through an intercom. After his father had left him, and he realized his mother may have been a literal sword or a literal swan, he had a hard time buying food, because eating required money. Being the second generation of the personification of Order was not going to make him money. Like any other kid, who had seemingly only fictional skills, and  whose parents weren’t financially supportive, he took up working at a fast food rest-aura-ant. No rest-aua-ant was faster than WE ALREADY HAVE WHAT YOU WANTED.

THE PERFECT JOKE!!! NO JOKE, THIS IS IT!

"Want to hear a joke about potassium?"

"Sure!"

"K."

Top 10 Near Fails of My Life

• The first slot is the easiest. I filled a bowl with barbecue chips once, and on my way back to the living room to watch Back to the Future 2, I dropped the bowl. Luckily, I caught the bowl with one hand, and didn't have to pick bits of chips off the carpet. 
• Second on the list goes to the time I put a waterproof fire cracker in a jar of water when I was young. I got to keep my eye sight. 
• Third goes to the time when I feel through the ice on a pond, and I didn't die. Death is the ultimate failure.
• Fourth bullet goes to the time that I fell holding a glass and I didn't spill a drop.
• Fifth was the most difficult to decide, but I will put the time that I moved my grandfather's truck out of my way, so that I could go to school. Instead of avoiding it like I should have, I hit it with my car anyway.
• Sixth goes to when I worked at the boss and girl's club and while hanging in the gym with them, I ripped my jeans, which would have been embarrassing if I had not been wearing athletic shorts.
• Seventh goes to the time that I got angry during an argument and threw my phone down. It would have slammed into the carpet of my apartment, but instead it hit the ottoman and it bounced right back into my hand. Close failure on that front.
• Eight goes to a similar instance, where I left my phone atop my car and drove down the highway. I only realized when it bounced off of the trunk and it was skipping down the highway. It didn't break, so plus. 
• I left a 64-pack of crayons in the back window of the car, it was a mess, but it was a cool mess to color with.
• Finally the tenth one, I threw a rock during thanksgiving with family. I was aiming at a tree, and my rock landed between two branches. All of the younger people began throwing rocks at the tree. The adults thought I was a wizard for getting them outside. 

Doctor Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Immorality

Today's subject shall be immortality.

It is a strange concept; immortality. For why would one want to live forever if they are to be cursed to watch everyone they no die.

In fact, why would every villain from every known medium ever go about seeking a kind of immortality. I actually believe I know the answer. If bad people are always seeking immortality I hat must mean that they know that they are bad and as such, they do not want to be cursed to eternal damnation on the off chance that it exists. Becoming good is a ridiculous and unappealing choice. So the next best thing? Immortality. Never die.

See? You know more already.

Poetic Movie Review of Hidden Figures

Hidden Figures is real
Not a space movie b-reel
I usually prefer action
The fiery satisfaction
But this movie is human
Watch it, it's true man
Almost everything the movie did is correct
Even some of the things that are suspect
It plays off of everyday humor
Not a pandering tumor
Watching this will give you chills
While ultimately bring thrills
To create math that doesn't exist
From figures that aren't in physics
We will put a man into space
To win an interstellar race
With characters unique and true
And the final countdown due
With that being said
4.9 out of five, that's what I said.

An Extra Version of Extroversion

A friend of mine accidentally reminded me of an article that I wrote for the Washburn Review,a paper from the university that I attend. She wrote about how being an introvert pretending to be an extrovert was difficult for her. It made her feel like she was her true self. This piece is less about her article, and more an extension of my feelings from my original article from the paper I write for.

I sometimes think that introverts are whinny, and they act as though there is some kind of prejudice against them. Personally, I have nothing against introverts, but as noted in my original article, I feel as though they get all the attention. It is an interesting concept actually, given that half of the ideal of being an introvert is to shy away from attention and social interaction. Yet, I feel as though that I only see the word extrovert when it is joined with the word introvert, as if extroversion is the norm. In actuality, it couldn't be the norm.

In fact, I see many people on facebook and twitter using their introversion as an excuse. Neither of them are an illness, yet sometimes I feel like people think extroverts are these evil manipulative puppeteers, hiding in the rafters of their local school and church.  

The fact of the matter is, I feel like I have to dial it back on a constant basis, so that people don't think I am annoying or overpowering. I have this constant need to be around people, but for the most part I spend my time on my laptop. Even now, my fiancee sleeps, while I'll be left alone until early in the morning when I go to bed. Most of my friends will going dark shortly before 1am. Even my fiancee, who has to be pushed into certain social situations thinks that I go to bed at an unreasonable hour, but this is all about my constant stream of energy.

At the same time, I feel drained and useless, if I do not have a constant challenge to pit myself again. I feel like I've been wasting away if I don't see a human face after three hours. I'm constantly talking to burn energy, and it isn't exhausting, it's difficult. To function, I need the social interaction, I need jokes, and I need people. I make friends fast, because I like talking, and I lose them at the same rate. 

Being an extrovert means that if I don't have constant outgoing feelings or adventure, I am lifeless and dull. Without weekend plans, I feel like I should do nothing. I move at a constant speed, probably that of light. I do everything quickly and I get over zealous immediately.

To some these attributes can be annoying, and people tell me, a lot. s such, I feel like I wear a cloak, so that people can't see my external flame, and it feels like that cloak turns my personality into acrid smoke sometimes.  

Poetic Movie Review of Passengers

First movie I saw in 2017
And I wish it wasn't this one, I'd seen
It stars Chris Pratt
And for the first half of this movie
He can act
His co-star Jennifer Lawrence
Is there for emotional corespondents
This is in fact a space movie
If space movie were boring
Boring and corny
Because for the first act its believable and human
Then the second act come around
And your eyes will roll so hard
They'll touch the ground
It becomes less original
More romantic sensational
It changes pace and tone
And makes me feel like Chris Pratt
Should be forever alone
With this in mind
I give this 1 out of 5

Movie Theater Solution

Movies suck, because movie tickets are so expensive. That is unfortunate because I think lots of people would appreciate movies being less expensive.

Instead of doing that, because it would take a lot more work, let's do a partial crime. All you have to do it create merchandise that is seemingly for the movie you are seeing and sell them as mistakes during premiers. Ultimately, you do not have to sell that many, perhaps only two. 50,000 to teach the corporations a lesson though.

For example, at the premier of the marvel movie Iron Man, you could have sold T-shirts that said Iran Man. You cannot be arrested, because technically it isn't illegal (I didn't look that up, so proceed at your own risk) and you can pay for your movie ticket that way. Easy.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Alternate Realities

Today we are talking about Alternate Realities and the way I know they exist. Sure other false bloggers will make the case that they know how or how alternate realities exist.

Maybe two universes stacked like paper touching each other is an explanation of a black hole. Sure that makes sense, because why not. Yet, I am not going to argue that logic, because I am not a science person born in science city.

Instead, I will merely say that I know that they must exist. I have only one piece of evidence, but I know it is a very sound piece of logic. On an application for an entry job that could turn into a career, there is sometimes a line that states that you cannot have the job unless you have x amount of year experience.

How could it be an entry level job, if you have to have previous experience? The answer? Alternate reality. Every entry level job has previously existed in an alternate reality and they aren't going to let people from our reality have them, because they are fronts for reality switching companies like pepsa-colo? Never heard of it? That's because it doesn't exist. At least not here. OOOOOOHHHH!

Poetic Movie Review of All Dogs Go to Heaven

All Dogs Got To Heaven, except when they don't
Tick Tock, feel your breath trapped in your throat
It tells the tail ages old
About a jerk, who does something bold
Sure he does it for the wrong reason
But tis the season
Smoking, gambling and alcohol
Who gave this movie a G rating?
They need to be given a call
And need to give us some explaining
It's hell or high water
That joke is kind of dark
Hope you know I said it with a happy heart
This movies from the 80s and it truly shows
`The demons and evil continue to grow
It is from the mind of a visionary
The one who quit Disney
To make cartoon for adults and get paid
Only to be overshadowed by the little mermaid
If you haven't seen it, that makes sense
 But once you do, you'll understand
With this in mind, and the past the past
The rating is 3 out of 5, in case you asked.

Wack Wednesday: The Perfecapp

Are those pesky little in app purchases driving you absolutely mad, but yet, you definitely need that extra pack of currency to win the level.

Well, that's where this app comes into play. All you have to do is log in. Every time you make an in-app purchase, it will deposit $1 into a savings account for you.

Perfect. Millionaire in one minute.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Internet

INTERNET

The internet is the topic of choice! The internet is everywhere all the time.

So, if you are breathing it all the time, isn't it possible to pull information from it? For the existence of all civilization, people have pondered the concept of pulling energy from the earth as a tool to use. Chakra is the best example of this idea. 

If this was possible then, it shouldn't be difficult to pull the same kind of energy from the internet that is actively in the air. Perhaps all we need is to lead ancient Chinese ideals of energy manipulation to be able to learn anything.

Maybe, I am wrong. Meh. 

4 Redonk Things People Say

1. Blank will kill you, so I don't do it.
The reason that I don't like this sentence, is because it can be applied to almost anything. Even having this laptop on my lap.

2. My baby has a personality.
I know that this could be true, but I feel like every single person in the entire world says this, and I think it has something to do with parenting in general.

3. I believe in ghosts, but cannot grasp the concept of aliens.

Fundamentally, the idea of ghosts proves that there is an after life. This means that it takes a lot of effort to believe that it exists. Yet, and ever expanding universe having life in it beyond us is crrrrrrrrazy.

4. I will destroy the earth with my iron fist!

The thing is, iron will not destroy the earth.

Poetic Movie Review of Poetic Movie Rviews

Poetic Movie Review
Made with rhymes too
It's poetic with line breaks
Sometimes with easy morphemes for rhyme sake
They use similar method
To continue to withstand
They are honest and brutal
With out pointing to anything crucial
Merely an observation
Or a proclamation
Ending with a rating
With very little explaining
Usually out of stars
But it could be anything, even cars
Poetic Movie Reviews are something new
I didn't care to look if that is true
Five out of one
Ruining fractions is fun

 

New Years Resolution Writing Excercise

PERFECT WRITING EXERCISE

I wish that there was a cure all for something that isn't even a disease. Like a cure for boredom or a cure for writer's block. Unfortunately, there isn't one for either. Of course, you can buy dice or other sort of randomizers that make it easier, but they don't truly.

It isn't a magic cure, it can only jump start an idea that you already have. Instead, sit back, and imagine your a character. Any character. Any character that could or couldn't exist. Now, give them a new years resolution. And write about them breaking it, no matter how easy or difficult.