Thursday, June 22, 2017

Poem: Another Dream

A stream of light
A dreamy plight
Another sight
The second star to the right
Never grow up
Never mature
Living the dream
Bursting seams
It seems like it'll never end
The stream keeps it's bend
Yet when the river turns
And you see the burning sun
It will be too late to run
Teeth of the adult
In your mouth without fault
Continue on, try not to age
Yet you go from being blonde to grey
An age old sage
You see children
Yet your childhood is forgotten
You see one drowning in a stream
Slowly like a dream
You run to his aid
Use to the knowledge you've made
And save a kid
You looked just like him
In the past
And you understand life at last

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Yeah But.. invention

This invention is simple! Every been only slightly too lazy to learn more about a book than the cover?

Look no more. This invention will scan a cover image and generate reviews to give you a better idea of how good a book is without the pesky reading.

You can now judge a book by its cover.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Tokyo Story #4

While in Tokyo Disney Sea, I had a fantastic amount of fun with my Wife. We rode as many of the rides as we could. Which included the Finding Nemo Ride which had come out recently that month. 
We stood in line for 180 minutes. Which sounds better that 2 hours and 20 minutes. It was the shortest the line was almost all day too. We ended up getting sunburned from this one thing alone. 
Regardless, after standing in line for the entrity of a Marvel movie, we got on our ride. This story is not about the ride. This story is about how we ran into a couple of characters while just waking there. Dasiey, Mr. Incredible, and others. 
What I really wanted was Goofy. Grace, my wife, said we would be lucky to see him. Then the last character we saw was Goofy, right after that ride. Happiest man alive in the luckiest place on earth. Or vice versa?

Monday, June 19, 2017

Reign of Rain

Never forget that i'm not a layer or classically trained in the law.

This is an idea. A pop up umbrella stand with a huge huge huge mark up, in a public place. That way people have to buy front out, because your re the only one nearby!

Is this a crime? I don't know. But take control of supply and demand and make cash. Id like a cut, unless it is illegal, then keep me 100% out of it.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Tokyo Story #3

To say Tokyo was a trite confusing would be like calling a snake a legless dog: incorrect. There were vending machines everywhere. Whether I never noticed them before in big cities, I'm not 100% sure, but it felt excessive. Like a vending machine for every single 30 feet.
Sometimes, I felt like vending machines should have dispensed other vending machines. Like if the zombie apocalypse happened, there's no way you could starve to death.
That being said, I don't recall many of them having snacks. They mostly had drinks. Tea, juice, water, not Gatorade, and soda. Soda was typical. Coke, cola, and other such things.
Buy there was a soda in one vending machine called rootbeer float. Originally, I though this meant it was literally that. It turns out that it was actually soda that tasted like the last part of the root beer float. Which is better. Why don't we have this?

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Poem: Mid-Knight

Between a king 
And beyond a bard
Not quite a knight 
Yet slightly more than squire 
Lies a small percent 
Even though a tall person 
A Mid-Knight 
Neither what you need or who you want 
Not the back of the line 
Not quite the front 
Armor for sure 
A sword? Perhaps 
A shield? If it fits the happenstance 
The Mid-Knight is not 
Ever what you thought 
You don't settle 
Or even reach 
He's just happy to beseech 
Yet, he looks nonplussed 
Though is valor is in surplus
A round table 
If he able 
To take four corners 
And make them none 
Because that would make him 
The chosen one 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Letter to Japan

Dear Japan,

I know that you may be unaware that I visited you recently, but I have. Just to be clear, I don't hate you, but I have a long list of problems with you.
First of all, why in God's name are samurai depicted as being so large. In every movie and TV show I've ever seen, they are these hulking man's of myth. Let me tell you something, everyone in Japan is 5’6, I swear. None of them are hulking monsters.
If they wanted to create a giant samurai, they would have to link arms and do it in the style of Voltron. If anyone felt like a samurai, it was me. Everywhere I went things were narrow. The aisles in a grocery store? Narrow. The sidewalks? Narrow. The hallways to my hotel room? Surprisingly large actually.
The point is, can the ceilings be higher? Everything is built like a shoebox. I felt claustrophobic the entire time I was in your space.
There was a specific time inside of a woodcarvers shop, where I had to bow, just to get under the doorway. Then once inside, I had to calculate my every movement, because I felt like a bowl in a china closet. And I was afraid that if I broke anything in the shop, it would turn out that the woodcarver was secretly the emperor of Japan.
What I mean by that is that everyone was so polite. I never felt unwelcome, but if someone came into my store, and they were a giant, and they started knocking everything over I wouldn't be very happy. As an American, I'm never 100% nice to strangers anyway. So I'd end up asking the gentleman to be careful or I would roll my eyes and say something to the effect of, “Just another day at the grindstone.”
But this woodcarver, he was regal and well dressed and nicer than most Americans would treat me in a similar situation. Everyone held themselves with such pride that any of them could have been royalty.
Anyone who didn't seem like royalty had hair like an anime super villain, and I don't want to mess with that either. And if someone was neither of those things they were a child or a tourist.
There was a point while I was there on the train and I realized that out of fifty people I could see, I was the only one wearing a t-shirt. A Captain America t-shirt. Everyone else was wearing a suit, a skirt, or a blouse. They were all impeccably dressed. But even though I was so out of place like an oversized middle finger on an otherwise small hand, no one treated me that way. My wife seems to think that people thought I was cute. Good job Japan. You keep a high standard, and I can respect that


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Crime Time: Stuck to my ribs

Create a rib restaurant and then once it has hundreds or thousands of visitors a day, you create a new policy.

It'll probably take quite a bit of time, so while you are waiting, just gather a heck of a lot of toothpicks. Then when your restaurant becomes popular, just sell for a quarter each and that will be nothing but extra money, because you didn't pay for those
Be weary though, because I am not a lawyer.