Poetic Review of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter, using his magic on muggles
Who'd have thought this train had dementors smuggled
It is also the one that introduces us to the most convenient plot device
Used not once, but maybe twice?
Time turns
As the patronus burns
Plot twist, time loop
Murders in the past
Time travel stuff. Don't ask
A scary scary dementor
The most frigtsome of all characters
Howl at the werewolf moon
Harry gets a new broom
This may be the best one
Five out of five, just for fun

Poetic Review of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry's living under the stairs
We all know it isn't fair
He didn't ask for his parents to die
Here comes Ron Weasley, he's our guy
The special effects have been bumped up a notch
Even the trees have been catching up
This movie takes a darker twist
In the literal sense
The teenagers with magic jump the fence
This time the villain has a name
One that is, in the end, lame
The villain is played by the book
But this movie slips by world building, like a crook
If you thought you knew magic, you were wrong
Thought you knew magic, you'll sing a new song
Becase like a flying car
Up up and away, with four out of five stars

Poetic Review of Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone

Harry Potter, you're a wizard
The lines that started it for him
And a whole new generation
Damn Daniel you look so so young
Honestly, you could act then
Just as you can still act today
The special effects were okay
But the magic itself is real
This one holds up even now
With its twinkling soundtrack
Memorable characters
And a villain with no name
Ron, Harry, and Hermione
Written just like JK Rowling
This is a good opening to the saga
The one that has yet to end
It will never ever stop
4.5/5 for this movie that rocks

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of life and everything

Today's Topic: Notifications

So, have you ever wondered why some people are so into looking at your phones. Aside from the fact that they can get instant gratification from looking at a screen, or learning something or playing a game or liking something impersonally.

I have a different idea. So, notifications? Right? Right? That little bleep bloop bleep yeea sound? Well, o think that it gives the two specific groups of people gratification.

Extroverts can be social without having to leave, if they are lonely. (They are always lonely) and the other people whatever they are called, get to interact with people.

Don't believe me? Just turn your notifications off? Comment on someone's Facebook who is right in front of you. They'll grab their phone, those addicts.

You got learned.

Five Original Sentences about Dogs

1. Doggone my dog is gone off with that boy name Obi-wan.

2. A dog and a cat morphed into a single entity would be a lizard with a vendetta.

3. Fly fly into the moon with a dog filled with yogurt a yogurt cup filled with puppies.

4. A dog wanted to be a lawyer and obviously she couldn't be a lawyer, because she was a dog and dogs don't have thumbs, so instead she was a paralegal.

5. A dog was once a wolf and a man was once godzilla, but neither is a pumpkin patch.

Halloween Night Vision

This has nothing to do with night vision. It is a test.

Regardless, the real invention is a a strong light that you place atop your car.

Once you press a button, it shines a specific symbol into the sky in a beam of colored light. Thus making i easy to find your car in a parking lot.

If you make this, you have just made a million dollars with a light bulb. That's more than Thomas Edison. The guy who claims to have designed the light bulb.

Poem Time: Read it and Weep

A grey slab of stone
All on its own
Sitting by itself
like a lone VHS on a shelf
Nothing around
Nothing near
Approach it without sound
Take cautionary steps with fear
What is it suppose to mean
It's nothing but a rock
Means about as much as her sock
Take a look
Stand right here
Walk away, release that fear
Through the grass
Up the hill
Look back one last time
Just to feel the wind
Just to feel the thrill

Poetic Review of Now You See Me

Now you see me?
Yes me, the guy who believes in magic, really
I know this movie has terrible logic
Where gravity throws a fit
Where some things don't make sense
I mean sense, not cents, like pents
Even so
I suggest you go
This movies solid gold
Not in concept, which is ages old
It is magic, a thing everyone likes
Done by characters people love or despise
It is a heist too
Left me saying woo!
Sure it can be confusion
Sometimes magic, sometimes delusion
But I think is great
It doesn't need to separate
It is two beautiful things
Morphed into a beautiful bird with wings
So go as far as needed
This movie gets 3 stars, believe it

A Single Haiku

Where are my keys please?
In the bottom of this well
Oops, oh no, I fell

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Money

Today's Topic: Money

Money is subjective and to drill this point in, I will use an example.

There is a person who pays or property tax, so that they have land that they can raise bees.

Why do they raise bees? You ask. Well, they raise bees, so they will be teens, to make honey.

Why do they need honey though? Well because honey is basically dough. And dough is money. And honey is good on money, honey.

But why does this person need to pay money to raise teen bees that create honey? Well, obviously it is so they can afford to feed their family, so their family can work for the bees, so that they can all eat by selling a thing people eat.

See what I mean? Now, I declare marbles to be valid payment for $100 bills.

Five Original Sentences about Curtains

1. Behind the curtains made from the tail of a horse decades old, you can see a painting made from cheese with hardly any mold.

2. The curtain can be soft or hard, rough or long, as far as we are concerned it can do anything, perhaps it can mow Ronald's lawn.

3. Under the sea, the curtains are made from sharks' fins and spaghetti.

4. No one has ever had to explain how a curtain can move from here to there, with as little fear as Harry Houdini taking melioration before bed.  

5. Look behind the curtain, and see the man with a normal amount of hands, and an abnormal amount of fingers, for some reason he wants a green apple with a hat.

Poetic Movie Review of One Missed Call

A horror fable
Masquerading as a horrible
Movie
That you won't want to see

It's easy to ruin
With terrible special effects brewin'
It isn't scary
Like a forest fairy

The premise
Is so ridiculous
You'll make a fist
Watch it, make a list

It'll be comprised of bad plot
Poor planning and though
Shallow characters and thin motivation
A horror movie desperation

It is one step away
From being the most laughable movie of our day
If it had been marketed differently
It would be worth seeing

As it is, it is the Ring sensation
Mixed with the Final Destination
So as far as I care
One star seems fair

Wacky Wednesday: An Invention for the Ages

A pen write? Haha. Get it?

Seriously though, I've wondered why my entire life why there wasn't a more sophisticated method for which cheaters could cheat. By this I mean people who cheat on tests. Sure sure, cheaters never prosper or win. Or perspire, whatever the adage is.  

Here's the thing. That might be true, and it definitely is, but here's the hitch, you don't have to cheat on

a test at all to help a cheater. 

Anyway, all you are going to need to do is find a way to 

put a scrolling banner with a low lumen output.

This way they can see the actual answers. Imagine though

if this pen were like a beeper, it would be possible for two people

to literally communicate both by hand and by message.

Perhaps the pen could transfer the handwriting 

aspects into light. :)

You are now a millionaire.   

Poem Time: Putt Putt Golf

I say "What? What?"
You say "Putt Putt."
Little buildings
Under us like ants
We stand tall
Hitting a golf ball
Things get smaller
As we get bigger
Is that a cell phone
Or a cell phone
Make a call with that
That little tiny tictac
As we grow like giants
The Windmill is as big as my pants
How will I know once I am grown
What is small and or large
This is an astronomical charge
Or is it a tiny tip
Is this a sip?
Or a whole pot
Am I big, I forgot?
Take a shot
Hole in two
Are you impressed
By the the shot the distance of my shoe
Windmill
Standing still
A gold club
Just me, the scrub

A Random Idea Woooooow!

Oh to be a watermelon in a hot air balloon floating into the lemon sky. Going towards the Carmel sun, laying on a toasted bun. Falling towards earth green gums. I'm a watermelon and I'm one of one. There none of the watermelon falling from the Carmel sun, to the green gums. Fall fall fall towards an elephant, crack broke my egg shaped noggin

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of life: Writing

Today's Topic: Writing

So, you want to be a writer, huh? Let me explain how easy it is in 4 easy to follow steps.

1. Pick something vaguely interesting to write about. Like vampire cheese or ghost chairs. Basically any two things. Wizards and school. Aliens and cowboys.

2. Now, pick up a column of metal or plastic or wood that can hold or be dipped in a liquid that appears on paper.

3. Find paper or paper like object. Try not to write it on beef or turkey jerky.

4. Start writing on it and try not to stop. Preserverence is the only thing you need. Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches right into the back of my dragula.

Now, you can do it.

Poem Time

Tock tick tock
Looky looky at the clock
Tick tock tick
Is it six yet
Gotta get that
Gotta get that
Credit card
Gotta be a try hard
Please them twi-hards
Tick tick tock
Look at the clock
Gotta get that
Gotta please Brett
Boom boom boom
Someone's in the room room room
Sell them merchandise
Ask them not once but twice
Want that credit card
Card card card
Going home home home
Bye bye bye

Wacky Invention Idea: Have a Ball Oon

Know how we use water balloon to have fights or whatever? Well, let's upgrade it. Let's have glow in the dark liquid to have night time water balloon fights. Different colored glow for different people.

It has other applications too. We can throw it down holes to see how deep they are and such.

Woo! I'm a genius, probably.

Poetic Review of South Park, Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Want a movie that's offensive
Puts people on le defensive
Has a point to make
Curses for cursings sake
It is faithful to the show
Reaches its highest points at normal people's low
Watch it and don't take it serious
While watchig your grandma get furious
It's South Park, it's got something to say
Watch it today tomorrow and yesterday
It achieved highest grossing R rated animated movie
Until the release of Sausage Party
The animation is typical
The best theme is cynical
But it is a sleeper hit
One that I guarantee you won't forget
So for the sake of stars
This one is a four of course

Star Wars Mythology is Four Sentences

So, a long long time ago far far away, there was a boy who was conceived via the Force and a lady. He was supposed to bring balance to the force, but instead he became a crazy robot with asthma and a vendetta. He had a son and daughter, who separated at birth. One became a princess and the other eventually became a Jedi, who used the power of the force to kill asthma robot.

Five Original Sentences about Go

1. I used to go to the store to buy groceries, now I go to the store to see people argue about cereal.

2. Speaking of cereal, I heard the trip rabbit is talking to an Irishman about going to the moon for frosted flakes.

3. I keep a box of lucky charms in my glove compartment, so that if I crash, I feel
Lucky I have food.

4. Can you go ahead and jump to the other side of the pool, because water makes my eyes burn while I look at you.

5. Go ahead make my photo with lettuce.

Honest Confusions

Honestly: Jet pack

I wanted to build a jet pack a few days ago. I really wanted to do it. I had a high aspirations, and for some reason, it seemed like I knew quite a bit more than I thought about how jet packs work. 

Here's the thing though, I am a writer. I am not a scientist. I am not a wielder. I am not a pilot. Basically, I know nothing about building a jet pack with my actual hands. 

Here's the thing though. As a writer I can at least think it up, and I can talk to other people about it. So, if you know anyone who knows hpw to build a jet pack, tell them I thought of it and it is my completely originally idea, and if they don't give me a cut, I'll Mark Zuckerberg them. 

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Cats

Today's Topic: Cats

Ever wonder what cats really are? You probably thought that they were cats, but have you ever thought that there might be a conspiracy theory worth talking about there.

Let's just start with Feline.

Feline sounds like someone with a mouth full of marbles saying we lyin'.

As it is clearly obvious based on how much they sleep in the sun at the top of a room. It is clear that every cat is actually a small piece of Ra, the God of the Sun. The reason that they chase the sun is so that they can get back into bird form. If they can do that they can go back to the sun, where they rightfully belong.

It has never been so clear, right?

Poetic Review of Batman V Superman

Oops, we broke that building
I'm Batman and have a feeling
This is my movie not for the man of Steel
Even thought it was marketed as a seqdeel
It drags on and on and on
Some how barely retaining it's fun
For a moment, you might space out
Forget what the movie is about
Why is batman wearing a suit
Is he about to kill Superman woot woot
What the hell is that the flash?
Woops, the fun went by fast
What is Lex Luther doing
What kind of plan is he brewing
Regardless this movie runs on forever
It's more worthwhile then throwing your money in the nether
It has a convenient plot
Don't ask DC fans there given it some thought
It feels like a set up for the final scene
2.5 stars because I don't want to be mean

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Color

Today's Topic: Color

So, you want to know how color works? Well,let Dr. Hounchell the World Renowned Expert of LIES tell you.

1. Your eyes have comes in them, like ice cream cones. And lie ice cream cones, they can be different colors.

2. Like A Blizzard at Dairy Queen, every Image you see is a originally upside down due to Dairy Queen Employees. Eventually, once you receive the information, your brain flips it back over so that you can see it and consulting!e it.

3. Like ice cream, colors are important because they help you enjoy delicious things by seeing.

There you go, I explained something.

If I Were A Zebra

If I were a Zebra. I would probably wonder if I was a striped horse. I would also silently wonder if I knew what a horse was. I would probably wonder if I was black and white or color, because I can't see in color. I would look at the moon and woder if it was an egg. If wander through a pasture, the wind through my mane. I'd wonder if I were to have a name, what name would I want. I would wonder if I would ever give a second thought.

Poetic Review of Toy Story 3

The third in a trilogy is always weak
If a superb movie is what you seek
Then prepare for a movie that is sweet
We have watched Andy grow throughout his years
We've laughed and we've cried the realest of tears
Now it is time to say goodbye to him
As he is off to college to make some friends
His toys are off for an adventure again
With the brilliant cast it had years ago
You can watch the movie and it will truly show
How far this living toys will go
To be back in the place they belong
The soundtrack is as great as it's been
And you'll feel the sting of tears again
We saw a boy get toys for christmas
Now the toys wonder if, "he'll forget us."
Watch it, and it will suck you in like tar
From me this movie gets a perfect score.

5 original Sentences I'm the key of Trump

1. I wanna be the very best like no one ever was, build walls and pyramids, without paying anyone.

2. Politicians just use words, and words are just too fancy for us normal billionaires.

3. I was friends with a raccoon once and Hillary Clinton his him with a spoon.

4. I squint because Guilford Godfrey is my life coach, and he said it would make it look like I am thinking.

5. All for one, if that one is specifically me.

Dr. Hounchell's Guide to Life: How to Make PBJ

Ever wondered how to make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich?

I can help.

First take a slice of bread from the bread tree in front of your house. Then take the other two slices from the bread tree in your backyard.

Move back to your kitchen space. I keep mine in the refrigerator.

Politely ask your aunt Susan's cat if it will send you grape jelly via mail. Of it will not, you will have to interrogate a bottle of wine to get the information you need.

Once you have your jelly, throw it away and buy some Jam. Jeez.

Finally, find some peanuts in your local art gallery and ask them to step into a blended.

Now blend until smooth.

Now add every else into the blender and blend it with yogurt.

Success! You made something with your hands, I assume.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Everyhing: Facebook

Ironic is thy name Facebook

Because of you no one reads books or looks at human faces.

Poetic Review of Jumper

A movie about teleportation

He has powers without explanation 

He can teleport from here to there

Drowning is his fear

Robs a bank

Makes mistakes

Gets pushed by Nick Fury

And it causes him to worry

Space time mumbo jumbo 

Explained to me like I'm a dumbo

The special effects

Is suspect

The plot at times feels manufactured

With dialogue that is sometimes fractured

If you like science things without science

Then get this movie with a TV and form and an alliance

Watch it

Forget it

It is bad

So what, it makes me less sad

It's a bank Robbin teleporting maniac 

Dodges Nick Fury and bullets: frantic

One star

It was fun, and I'd watch it in a car.