Top 10 Things to Shoot out of a Cannon that Aren't Cannonballs

1. Bunnies
Why? Because bunnies are cute and soft, so if the impact doesn't kill, the explosion of cuteness will.

2. The 2001 Oscar for Best Animated Feature
It's heavy, And it is just strange enough to cause someone's brain to explode!

3. Grapefruit
It ain't like you're going to eat them.

4. Quarters
Hey? You're trying to kill them, you should pay your respects early.

5. Copies of Spyro Orange for Gameboy Advance
I just want like 100 copies of the game, so I can shoot them out of a cannon.

6. Magnets
You can rip their weapons right out of their hands and into the far distance.

7. Sawblades
When Cannon Balls won't quite cut it.

8. VHS Copies of Speed
You are going to want your weapons to move fast, right? What's faster than a bus that can't slow down?

9. Alphabet Soup
Do I need to spell it out for you?

10. A Texas Instrument Calculator
Because high schools still make people buy those.

The Wager: Short Story

At 12:30 in the am, in the dark of a park, two were driving. One in the passenger seat, contemplating the meaning of success. The both wonder why they cannot be satiated with the amount of success. Both wonder what is missing from their chests.
"Is it money?" One asked the other.
"No. I don't think," said the driver. Though he was right, it seemed like an easy fix. Both knew that was not quite right, and still the contemplated into the night. Though they had written, ridden, and were driven, neither of them had a clue what the secret ingredient was.
"Is it time? Is it space? Is it love?"
"We have an idea of those, so I'm going to have to say no." Though they continued driving and moving on, neither of them had an idea what was going wrong. And as they drove through the zoo, suddenly one of them got a clue.
"Perhaps the best idea, is a friendly wager?"
"What do you propose?"
"We finish everything and become successful, cross every avenue. Turn every stone."
The driver kicked the break and stepped from the car, for once, this was a brilliant idea. Sitting in front of a dead end sign, they knew what had to be done. They put the wager in writing under the rising sun.
"We'll know the loser."
"And the winner."

The Insatiable Thirst

The thirst for success
For something in excess
Writing, video, art
A little blood and all your heart
Scribble into the margin
Carve in your cartilage
Remember the people you meet
Remember every feat
Keep striving
Living
Breathing
Another breath
And something next
Unsuspected and another thought
A drip drop
A heart beat
And off
Blasting into the sky
Feeling like you'll never die
A mental passed and another
And oh man, oh brother
It slipped through your fingers
And yet it still lingers
That empty feeling
And you're still reeling
You'll get it back
A creative attack.

Computer: A Poem

Rectangle of circuitry
Little metal city
Moving electricity
From one side to the next
Like a group of explorers
A collection connection
Not much unlike humanity
Run by bits of electricity
Metal bones
Inside a metal phone
Calling shouts
Controlling thoughts
A voice in my head
Saying things or so it said
Wired to my body
Telling it how to move
Telling me when to dance
Usually, as long as I have pants
Another moment passed through the mother board
Heart of the machine of course
Through the brain and the course
Racing electricity
To make what comprises humanity

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: contrarian

Today's topic is contrarians.

The idea is that it is someone a critic, usually movie, called someone that dislikes movies they consider good.

The idea is clearly designed for critics, who can't take criticism or listen for half a second, because they have an idea of what objectively is the best movie. Basically, bad critics can't defend their ideas.

A contrarian is the same person who can see through the matrix... Found those people who think the godfather is garbage.

Poetic Movie Review of Hitman's Body Guard

Body Guard for a hitman
Believe or not that's the pitch
That's the plan
Take good and evil
Turn it on it's head
Though there is cursing galore
Perhaps even to spare
Perhaps the plot is thin
If not bare
It's not about either of those
It's about the characters
Not the foreshadowing
Or the easy plot
Not about whether they'd be caught
It isn't the romance
The suspense
Looking back, this may not be a movie at all
Hmm, I wish I could tell if it was
I'm a critical so this is hard, because ...
Let me regroup and rethink
Smell through the stink
The choreography is great
And I truly appreciate
Deadpool and Nick Fury
In the same movie
With this in mind
I give this movie 1 out of 5

Experience Corner: Reggae Music

I am a social butterfly. When I am around people, I spread my wings and fly. That being said, more often than not. I spend my time with just a handful of friends. I prefer not to be in overcrowded places, bars, and social events. If you get what I am saying.

Typically, they are too hot and too loud. Making impossible to hear any sound. The Reggae concert was not unmuch like this. No. Instead, it was at a bar. It was a large social event. It was hot. And it was loud.

But I liked it. The music was slow enough paced and relaxing. The people were chill, even if I never quite saw them. My hair flopped when I head banged. It was fun. It was great.

Towards the beggining, since I came there with my friend Chelsey, I was at the stand for the band. Soul Rebel and the Beast. At the very tail end of my time there, I was basically working for them.

Never paid to get in. Made money inside. Left with a CD and HOODIE!

I think I'd like to go to other events like this.

Tokyo Story 100.

When in Tokyo, my wife and I explored the many facets and regions of Japan. As long as they were inside Tokyo.

As such, we sometimes became lost. Sometimes we went down the wrong path. This is not a story about that. Instead, this is a story about a time we went down the right path. A path of enlightenment.

Because as it turns out, Grace and I walked in a Japanese pawn shop. And though, it was similar, it was not the same. No. Not at all.

Instead, this pawn shop had a heavy amount of video game memorabilia. It had circuit boards from N64s. It had old NES games. It had it all.

The most interesting of which was a hand held version of the N64. Granted there is not an officially licensed one, there are way to create one.

Who wouldn't want to play Crystal Shards on the go?

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Holidays

It is important to remember that I'm not a doctor. I'm not even master.

Holidays? That's the topic today. Why do they exist. Is it because of corporate greed? Is it because giant companies want to get rid of a surplus of stuffed animals and sugar? In a word? No.

In several more words, no but I'll tell you why. The reason is lesser gods. Lesser gods have been around for millennia, and because of this they have had a falling out on power and following. Things that are directly related.

To fix that, they created holidays. Arbitrary ones with very convoluted origins. These holidays were created to give outrageous amounts of power to certain lesser gods. Such as the god of over consumption during Thanksgiving.

Does this make sense? I don't know. It's a blog. Made of text.

Poem: Always

And one day
Because the moon is there
Controlled by the distant puppeteer
Darkness will consume the earth
Eating at it's light
Feeding on the night
Garnished by gravity
Hindered by nothing else
If it pulls us towards the enlightenment
Justifying our existence
Knowing is half of the battle
Living in the bubble
Munching on barbaque
Nothing but carbs
Or you know, salt
Perhaps the moon is salt
Quantum computing
Random thought
Seriously, what have you got
Tenacious, but responsible
Under the leaf, you grow
Vising the summer snow.

5 Stories About Eclipses

1. The elephant eclipsed my view of the rhino in my background playing a pickup game with Jordan.

2. An eclipse of the heart is really just your lungs lining up with your spleen to overshadow your heart.

3. The eclipse created a gap in the universe, allowing people to see what monsters they had slowly became due to pollution.

4. When the sun opened up in the sky, it was the first time we understood that an eclipse was a cover for Cosmonauts to land on the moon.

5. What did Terra say to Luna, when she stood in front of him: "you're blocking my sun."

Perfect Idea: Web Sight

So it's basically just a play on words.

But what it is, is a livestream of a spider spinning a web. Why? Because it is cheap really. It sounds interesting. Low production costs.

Plus, just... People want it.

Top 10 Ways to Cook Chicken

1. Nugs

Nuggets are a classic and the perfect way to make chicken. Especially if you like a stomach ache.

2. Chicky Chicky Parm Parm

Cheese? Chicken? Yes! Please!

3. Sweet and Sour Chicken
It's like nugs but with sauce thrown on.

4. Fajita-ed
Because who doesn't like them fajitas.

5. Strips
Like loooooong nugs.

6. Chicken sandwich
Because bread is always the kind of carb I am looking for.

7. Chicken Cordon Bleu
It's just fun to say. Go ahead and say it aloud. I'm not going to tell.

8. Chicken Stirfy
You stir, you fry, you eat.

9. Fried
If you like gnawing on bones, this is for you.

10. Coco Chili Chicken
It is three cs. It three times as delicious.

Poetic Movie Review of The Dark Tower

The Dark Tower is 90 minutes
But it feels like another hour
Because it takes a lifetime
To get to the core storyline
Though I hate the Man in Black
Before I knew the movie was fact
Matthew McConaughey was a terrible choice
Lacking the sinister chill in his voice
Walter is suppose to be evil
Worse than the Devil
Yet he gets trapped with one liners
Either way the Gunslinger takes the show
Dealing effortless and brilliant blows
Up until he final scene, he never forget
The face of his father, or his regrets
The plot pulls from too many books
Like a strange library robbing crook
Though, it flashes other worlds in universe
It does so grandiose and terse
Lifting a curtain of fog
To show a half assed thought
Pennywise wouldve been more wise
Regardless the movie is slow
Despite being short
It felt drawn out like a book report
A book report by someone who didn't read the book
But for a movie
It was okay, if not moving
It could've been better
Given the source material
But you've heard the same spiel
With this in mind
I give this movie
2 out of 5

Writing Prompt to End All Writing Prompts

This prompt isn't for writing specifically. No. This is about overcoming whatever could be standing in your way.

Now, how it works is simple. Manifest the idea of your writer's block. See what stands in your way. A certain character. A certain villian. The lack of ice cream in your life. Whatever it may be manifest an image in your head. Just a physical form. Try manifesting it into the shape of a rectangle.

Now, take that block and shove it away. Hide it away. Watch it get locked in a drawer. Manifest it into another time zone.

Poem: Sleep

Sleep is for the meek
Counting is for the sheep
Close your eyes
And count to five
Take a breath
Feel the pain that's left
From the core of the day
From remenants of yesterday
Now, drift to the comfy side
Of a bed, on your side
Until it's 9am
And you need strawberry jam
Off to sleep
Off to dream
So boring
But all-knowing
Venture into your psyche
Deliver yourself from evil
Forgive yourself to spite me
Lead yourself into REM
Find a dream you, to forgive
Bow close your eyes
Cover your pupils
Because where you're going
There are no loopholes

Prime Time for Crime: Paper for a Wall

I have an idea. List it on Pintrest and make a billion dollars. Send me a thousand of those dollars.

Plan?

Print some designs on paper. Sell it for $1 a square as small wall paper. Or designer build a wall paper. Million dollars.

Let's Do Bands: Poem

Let's start a band
Sure we can
But bands are dead
An out dated idea
What's in you head
Yeah and?

We'll need a name
One that's lame
Not a gimmick
Or a mimic
Something deranged
Maybe letter rearranged

Maybe number
And letters
A color perhaps
Like 3D Purple
Or a 8 grey wormholes

Okay but what will we play
Music, okay?
But what instrument
What does that mean?
How many instruments do you need?

Four or five?
Are we dead or alive?
A trumpet a drum?
Or some monkey thumbs
I don't Know what instruments are
Is a car one
Is a banana one
An icecream?
Well this was all pie dream

Pie Dream is the best name
And I can't explain
Let's make a band
And that's the name

Tokyo Story #9?

This story is short and it is simple. It's the best kind of story. Simple, short, good.

We were wandering about the location closest to out hotel, checking out various shopping malls.

Inside a nearby shopping mall, we found a shop that specialized in trading cards. I wont bore you with the uninteresting parts, but that store had the original magic cards. In English.

Regardless, hanging on the wall was a signed Micheal Jordan jersey? Weird, right?

Poem: Rosey Palms

Rosey Palms
Trees carrying flowers
In an hour of devastation
Deforestation
Deliberation
Exhibition
Reducd to an exhibit
The flower of battle habit
The flowering concept
Carried across the plains
With various trains and planes
Carried to another place, to be dissected
But the flower is introspective
The flower is perplexed
Baring now complex
A flower in the hand
And Rosey Palms
Rose cheeks
Fat on the Sandy Beach
Rose palms
Give the flower to your grandma

Poem: Bell

The bell tolls
Distant like the sound of drums
No metal, no brass
Just the beat of drums past
A war cry
A battle scar
A moment in reality's tear
The battlefield is nothing
Not a fat lady singing
Not a flaming square of grass
No, this battle took place in the past
One survives on the ground and waiting
Wasting away, depreciating
Neither skull nor flesh
Just a flowering pest
A single rose in the ground
That cannot hear the Bell's sound
Ringing to warn of torture obscured
The rose is red of course
Sitting in the dirt
Unable to move
Yet, it still hurts
Bathed in blood
It was once white
Now, it is nothing
But a representation of one night
Sitting atop The field
Awaiting a strike
Until one day, someone takes a hike
Pluck the flower from the field
In the hand, beauty is real

The Perfect Invention

Like terrible ideas?

I have one!!! It's a blanket made of cotton candy. Now, I know you are wondering why you would do such a thing! I have an answer!!!

It is candy, so you can eat it! You can tug away at the corners and eat it, while you are warm and beautiful. Sure, it will be sticky, and when you sweat, it will melt! But think! You never have to wash the blanket, because it will melt.

I know, it's terrible.

Poem: Desen t

A fresh wound
A fresh dude
For ad much as you hate
That as much as I ate
Detest what I do
It'll still be due
Because my goal
Is beyond a troll
My dream
Is beyond the silver screen
Because as much as you hate
I appreciate
I grow stronger
By every hour
With a hunger
To devour
The hatred
Coated red
In a red coat
Gripping me by my red throat
My happiness isn't forgetful
Yet promising
A dust outcrop on a lone hill
Growing crop just for the thrill
Come at me: unchill
I'll come back with rhymes that kill
Because my goal is beyond the moon
Beyond one hating dude
I'll keep in fighting
Until I am delighting
Even if I have to go through you.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Evil

Today's topic is Evil.

Evil is weird because it exists to counter good. Without evil would there be good? Because good and evil is about the comparison between two.

Example: most people don't stuff a cannon full of dogs and shoot it at a hospital. Why? Perhaps it is evil.

But if we are going to argue if evil exists, then we have to understand the fact that it is a comparison from a cultural point of view.

Therefore good and evil don't exist. If they do, they are two sides of the same thing. But what is that one thing? Clearly, good and evil are just different kinds of people in phone games. People who take are bad. People who give are good. Unless those same people took from other people to give to you.

Poem: Interview

Do you have qualifications?
Do you have identification?
Are you willing to work nights?
Can you fly a kite?

Um. I try to breath
I can't find what I need
I need to answer the question
Before an investigation

Are you fit for work?
Have you every twerked?
Are you one of a kind?
Do you have a sharp mind?

The answer are illogical
To questions that are hypothetical
I wish I didn't despise
All the lies

When will you be ready?
When can we call you in.
Can you start then?

Another breath and another lie
And to my surprise
I get a job that day
Wasn't hard anyway. ,

First Chapter of Running out of Time 4

To say that Warren was the worst of our problems, would be like saying bread was the least of a sandwich. In that he was the worst of everything. But he wasn't the worst of every time. No. Long long ago, the ancient gods of choice foresaw that he may become more powerful beyond their wildest dreams. It was because of this that they built a failsafe.

Except, it had failure written all over it. Warren grew strong enough to split the timeline in two. He gripped it from it's spot in the wall, and snapped it into two equally possible situations. What Warren didn't know was what that caused. Even if he was a Ghost Pirate Writer wearing gauntlets that controlled space, he wasn't in the alternate timeline. In the alternate timelime, he was a humble barber.

Warren, or as he was called in his timelime, Garen, was the kind of barber who joked around with kids.

“Careful. If you move too much I might slice off your ear,” he would say.

He was the barber who cut men's beards with straight razors.

“I'm going to cut your beard with a straight razor,” he'd say.

He was also the kind of guy, who used his evil group of henchmen and henchwomen (he's equal opportunity) to kidnap historically important people and take their beards. Garen had his reasons. There was a legend about the seven beards, which could grant infinite power.

Once he killed the time traveler, everything was easy enough to manipulate. The only thing he really needed to do was kill Greg Anthony Warren. Greg was the one who could stop any time based shenanigans, and Garen killed them both.  

Presently, Garen was waiting for Abraham Lincoln to waltz into his barbershop. Abraham's beard was the one of truth, and it gave the power to make lies seem true. He was not honest Abe, but rather, he had the power to make his lies become the truth.

Abraham Lincoln pushed the door open with three of his hairy disjointed arms. He chose to keep his top hat on as he wordlessly took his seat in the barber’s chair. He gestured to his huge beard filled with bread crumbs and sugar. Garen took notice of the ten flintlock pistols strapped to the would-be president's chest. It was too bad he lost the presidency to an armadillo named Shotgun GaryBarry.

Garen took his glowing clippers from the clutches of the hellish blue liquid and wiped them on a towel. He lifted the president's mandibles and found the scissors taped shut.

Click! Abraham Lincoln pulled the hammer back on one of the pistols and pressed the barrel into Garen’s ear.

“I'm starting to think that you aren't Abraham Lincoln.”

“What made you think that?” The Not-Abraham Lincoln non-man said.

“Probably the fact that you're a flea. A very big flea, but a flea. With that, I'm going to flee.” Garen let out an amazingly long chortle, as he yanked a stray white beard hair from his shirt pocket and cracked it in half. With that Garen exploded out of the universe.

“Again?” Itch said. (His name is itch. He's a pirate flea and Warren killed his parents. Warren is like Garen, sort of.)

“Beam me back,” Itch said as a blind hot light grabbed him from his spot in the barber shop. He reappeared back in the Oval Office at his desk. 

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Luck

Today's topic is luck.

To say luck is t real is easy from the point t of view of the person who isn't lucky. Because luck is based on perception.

If I knew someone who I thought seemed luckier than me, I'd feel unlucky. The opposite is also true of someone else.

There are 7 billion people in the world, so statistically coincidence would line up well enough for certain people to seem lucky.

However, my person opinion is that luck has to exist. Except, I don't know how it's strength could be measured. Luck could be hereditary or it could be given to wild cards, but it had to exist. I feel as though, I am a lucky person, but only because I've already become aware of that fact.

Try it though. Try measuring luck and see how hard it really is.

The Top 10 Bears

1. Polar Bear

They are cold hearted bears. They eat seals!

2. Panda

They're pandas! They're cute and they're black and white.

3. Black bears

Their black. And I don't have to deal with them being bears all up in my space.

4. Pooh Bear

He likes honey and his best friend is Tigger.

5. Grizzly Bears!

They are called Grizzly! They probably do things that is grizzly!

6. Bear Grills

Do I have to explain?

7. Raccoon

It's a trash panda. Pandas are bears.

8. Teddy Bear

They're soft and such.

9. Bea Arthur

She seems nice enough. She could be my grandma and she isn't a grizzly bear.

10. The Bear in my Nightmares

I don't know any other strange bears

Best Idea Ever: Awesome Coat

Know how coats are you know just ways to stay warm?

Know how families have coats of arms? Why can't we take both of these things and make them one thing.

Why don't we create a coat with arms printed on it. Like just arms. That way, it would be a coat of arms.

I'll see myself out.

Poetic Movie Review of Valerian And the City of a Thousand Planets

It's a large action movies
With a budget so fat
The premise is simple
Perhaps a little French
A space station gone rouge
Because it's too heavy to float
Gathering scrap metal and other parts
Until it's part of a city's heart
Towards the center of the red zone
Valerian will never be alone
A pearl of wisdom and truth
And being a slight douche
Restricted access to information
And now we're trapped in another dimension
A model agent
And one who's good on the job
Yet somehow people never take them serious
What are they, delirious?
The design is CGI
But it looks good without a close eye
A romantic sub plot
Added to an action thought
it's pretty and fun
At the Oscars, I'd be surprised if it won
A little star power
And this movie would pop
With this in mind
Three out of five.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Sporks

Today's topic is the spork.

Why does KFC have only sporks and knives. It isn't like they couldn't afford forks and spoons. The spork must be there to invalidate itself. Like a weird backtracking invention that causes its own ridicule.

In fact, why aren't sporks everywhere? Why does anyone own forks and spoons separate? Like really dig deep. It would be like owning a phone and a camera that you carry at the same time.  That's your camera phone. A good invention that's both.

Carrying those two things separately, seems silly. Instead of forty spoons and forty forks. You could own forty sporks. Save that space. Save that space in the sink. Save time washing dishes.

Why not though? Clearly, thew reason is because big Utensil companies want your money for their stainless steel products. It explains why there are "butter knives". No one needs a different knife for butter.