Page One

Chapter One

In the Darkness

The first time I heard about Dante Domino, I thought that he was an amazing legend, and if we were ever in any trouble he would come to our rescue. Every major history book that accounted for Dracula’s resurgence in reality 100 years ago mentioned him. The legend stated that with one hand, Dante was able to wield Excalibur and decapitate Dracula with a single swing. Then after Dracula’s defeat, he sought to destroy all of the books that Dracula had used in his plan. Using the holy blade, Dante was able to burn the books and destroy the fictitious creatures. After his quest was over, Dante faded in obscurity. Some people believed that he vanished into the realm of literature to live out his immortality. Some people thought that he had taken refuge in a cave, so that he could protect Excalibur for eternity.

Most people chose to believe that he never existed. Partially because there was no evidence other than the stories passed down for centuries. I was ten when I found my first copy of Dante’s supposed short novel titled Some Kind of Hero. It depicted him as amazingly brave. It also depicted him falling in love with a woman named Carly. She was similarly brave. In the book she had stabbed Dracula in the back to draw his attention, and then when he moved closer to her, she engaged him in a fist fight long enough for Dante to slice the vampire’s head off.

However, Dante was hurt too badly to walk away from the ordeal. Carly held the head of the dying hero in her lap until he took his last breath. It was a tragic story, but the people who chose to believe that Dante existed, chose to see the ending different. Sometimes they even claimed that Dante would not have been able to write such a book while he was on his mission. It was a fake. It was a phony. It wasn’t real. Those people chose to believe Dante faked his death, and survived the ordeal with Dracula, and that was how the book existed.

A single Haiku

I always believe
That believing is belief
That is my belief


The reason I have done this is because for the next week, I will be uploading some pages from a book I am working on. Stay tuned.

Theory: Pair of Jeans

What does the pair of jeans mean? Pair means two? Jeans have two legs? I think that some sort of the Buckle has been holding out on my second pair of jeans! I should be getting a pair! It is called a pair of legs! I want two jeans for the price of one! This is the only way I will be happy again.

Poetic Review of Crystal Pepsi

The thing about Crystal Pepsi

Is that once you see

It's magic floats away

Because it tastes, how do you say

Like Pepsi with dark science ways

It is clear

So you think you have nothing to fear

You are wrong

It wont take long

Spit it out before it corrupts your throat

Drink too much and you will bloat

This is bad

Drinking it made me sad.

5 Sentences: NEW AND IMPROVED

1. If you look at a piece of meatloaf close enough, you will see that while it is clearly meat, there are tiny pieces of bread that have colonized this chunk of meat.

2. A parachute is like a blanket that you tuck into a back pack that is made of nylon and can save you if gravity tries to murder you.

3. Dying from a skydiving accident, should instead be called a murder via gravity.

4. Why in the world/the universe does gravity get to get away with these heinous acts, is it because it is like a theory or something.

5. The Cheese goblins worship the cheese wiz, but he ended up getting canned for crackers.

Mayo of Burgah Tahown Redux

I am the Mayo of Burgah Tahown
When you are here, try not to frown
The Hotdogs bark and chase their buns
Trying to catch their ketchup tails in the sun
Bacon proposes to Patty with an onion ring
She says yes, because of course she would
They'll relish the sound of the Taco Bell's ring
Their first dance is the salsa
Her dress if made of bright blue cotton candy
Seeing this makes an old mayo sing
Then they chi chi real smooth
It's a Sunny D AY out in the world
Cheese Louise knitted them a fine Swiss blanket
And they Swiss roll out in style
I love you honey, they say
As they roll to their honey moon pie
It's great to be the Mayo kind of guy

Poem Made of Words

I write
Despite
I have a computer
But I am one of fewer
Who prefers ink
To an uplink
That nice hand to paper
Light as a feather
I want my ideas to flow
Key strokes are just slow
I want everything I think
To appear first with no hyperlink
I need to believe that
Spell check won't cut the fat
It needs to be this way
Tomorrow and everyday

Monster Trucks Trailer Poetic Review

The premise
is not one to miss
I'm going to see this movie twice
It's about a monster whose nice
With a Thor knock off
And a perfect pun plot
The monster that gets in a truck is
Gonna cause a perfect ruckus
I don't car about the subplot
I won't even give it a second thought
I just want to see trucks with filling
With monsters who are willing
To entertain my brain
With dumb movie physics and rain
In advance I call
This will the greatest movie of all
5 out of 5
I suggest it to people who are alive

The Top Ten Scariest Things in the whole literal universe

1. Cracks under a door, when light comes through them, and you can see someone's shadow
2. Spiders that only move when you aren't looking at them
3. Darkness
4. Waking up to the sound of TV fuzz
5. A door slam after 3am but before 7am
6. Phone call with no one on the other side
7. Fireworks/gun shot sound
8. A mirror that is dull and doesn't reflect your image clearly
9. Calls from my boss
10.Nightmares that you can't wake up from like some sort of twisted reality based around the logic of inception.

A Daily Look into my Life: What did you say?

Yesterday, only one truly notable thing happened. During the time at my job at a mall, there was a stand across the way, selling chocolate and giving free samples. I had already converted plenty of people into getting a free sample. I was walking behind this couple for only a moment, and I said in a normal speaking voice.

"Hey, you should get a free sample."

She said, "Holy shit. Why would you sneak up on us like that? I thought you were going to kill us."

My two thoughts were that, one: why in the world would she think that it was my killer calling card? Second, why would that be how I went about killing people? It is such a specific and strange calling card. "Try their free chocolate samples."

Regardless, I actually felt kind of bad for scaring them so bad. That was hardly my intention, but if it worked, which it did, why not? They ended up coming back by and they apologized, realizing that they had overreacted, and they also said they would offer me chocolate, but they didn't have any money to buy some.

So that was interesting.

eye floaty poem

Out of the corner of my eye, I see you there
 I wonder if you are just a straggling hair
A floating appiration of pure darkness
At first in the shadows, and now this
Why are you hanging around me?
Creeping around invisibly?
Some derangede rope of demon creativity?_
One that's there but hardly seen
Are you nice or are you mean?
You floaty little string.

Poetic Review of Sausage Party

Sausage Party is more jokes than brains
It does nothing to hide, no subtlity remains
With a hot dog erection
And a smidge misdirection
You'll be watching a movie styled Pixar
With more innuendo than heart
The story of anthropomorphic food
From the mind of Seth Rogen while lewd
Like a movie by Disney
This one has more under the surface, you can't see
Under the pop music, drugs, and racism
There's a strange but human lesson
 Despite this, I'm not sure who this is for
This is the food stoner movie for sure
I can't say it was the worst
So 3 out of 5 bratwursts

Poetic Review of Eraser Head

Can a movie be more strange?
Then some sort of baby that is deranged?
If you want to wonder
What's up and down and what's under?
Or if you don't understand why this or that
Or contemplate untrue facts
If you like music that matches theme
And plot that feels like a dream
Characters that act almost illogical
And a planet that is theoretical
If you like saying what the hell
Or when asked what was it about
Saying, I couldn't tell
If these are your favorite
Put this movie in, and you'll be set
4.5 out of 5.0, because you won't forget.

Thoughts about air

If fish breathe oxygen through water, and humans like you breathe non-wet air, then what is the difference. Doesn't that just mean that fish breathe we air? And if they can breathe oxygen through liquid, how is that different than breathing oxygen when it is very humid? I think YOU are a fish person. Case closed.

6 Original Sentences about Prisons

1. There used to be an abundance of people who told science based prison jokes, but they only lived half lives.

2. Sometimes bad rays of sunlight are sent to jail, but not regular prisom, they are sent to maximum security prism.

3. My brain doesn't seem to care about my heart, because it is keeping my emotions prisoner inside of my kidney.

4. Prison Pete used to be in prison, but then he went home, and he was sent back, he was a repete offender.

5. If sugar is held prisoner by the orcas inside of hot air balloons, how will we make sweet tea that is good?

6. The water melon with a grenade inside of it, rolled into a prison themed bar, and he started a bar fight with a chicken.

Poetic Review of Nine Lives

Nine Lives
Is not something to despise
You can look at it with your eyes
I cant say bad things
Or good
I feel like I can't love this movie, but I should
It's bland but not boring
Never whispering or even roaring
Terrible cat based CGI effects
Clichés based plot aspects
It isn't good or really bad
With acting that is sort of bad
The absolute best part
Is that t doesn't try to set itself apart
It is what it is
It's never more than it wants
Like the best movie from 1992 once
It is honestly delightfully mediocre
I don't know who this is for
2.5 out of 5 stars

The Truth about Muffins

Muffins? You like them huh? Well, get ready to have your mind blown. No matter what the government or your mom says, it is a lie. That chocolate muffin is an obtuse excuse.

Chocolate muffin? More like naked cupcake! This entire time muffins have been cupcake nudist. They spread their liberal granola agenda, but deep down you know, they are just cupcakes.

Deal with your mind being opened.

Seven original Sentences about Orcas

1. Hot air balloons piloted by orcas over the Grand Canyon.

2. Mountain tops in the wild west in Norway.

3. An abandoned church in the Grand Canyon surrounded by Orcas with a grudge.

4. Norwegian mouse people inside of the Grand Canyon church surrounded by flowers, do not like hyper violent passive aggressive whales.

5. One of the orcas have a gun filled with skittles but only yellow ones.

6. You can't taste the rainbow if there's only yellow, so you must taste blood instead.

7. The orcas in hot air balloons chased the nice Norwegian mice into a pot of boiling hot ice, and it was a killer suprice.

The origin or dreams (waking world edition)

So, were do creative ideas come from. If they are in my brain already, how did they get there originally. I think it is possible that when I sleep, I leave my body, metaphysically and move to an entirely new plane of existence. For some reason, I'm yet to understand, I can only remember the one that is happening in the moment.

Evidence yes?

When I am sleeping, I typically completely forget that there is a waking world until I am awake.

The world of my dreams, fuels the thins I want to write, but they still eel natural.

If this true, then i believe that I am inside of the dream reality awake when I am asleep in the regular world, and I am asleep in the dream world when I am awake in the regular. That explains why not sleeping for an entire nightn is painful, because my other self is hurting. While sleeping for long feels similar,b because my earth body is weak.

This explains why I am so terrified when I almost die in a dream.

I must look around the dream world and write a new post tomorrow.

Another Theory about the Ice age ad Area 52

History has taught us that the earth goes through periods of warning and cooling. Yet, everyone seems to think that it has become "hotter" which it probably has. Global warming or something.

But the places like the Antarctic where the ice caps and glaciers actually are, are insanely hard to get to, and if you were to get there and die, people would probably expect that you knew the consequences.

The government believes in this "global warming" and there are definitely aliens as stated in a previous theory. That must mean that the alien monsters like Godzilla are trapped within the ice. Which means we should definitely care about global warming... or Godzilla and Mothra will fight... so actually burn everything and summon them.

Writing Tip: write and left

Imagine a story you've written or a moment in your life, now imagine if a single seemingly unimportant thing were to change. What if instead of going left you went ring? What if your character was to miss that bus? What if? Write a situation in which a small change caused a huge issue. Like the butterfly effect.

Another perfect idea: Food processinator

Like food? Like ice stuff?

What about a food processor that adds ice to things instantly. That is it. Put in like a whole lime nd what comes out? Lime flavored shaved ice.

Lemons (A poetic homage)

Lemons get a bad rap
Why do they symbolize crap?
Like a bad car isn't a specific citrus
Whether it is a Buick or a Prius
Oranges and limes are obviously similar
But saying, "When life gives you limes?" Is unfamilar
Plus with limes you can make pie
But you an do that with lemons too. So why?
Oranges can make orange juice
But lemons make lemonade, which seems obtuse
Lime and lemons are partial skin swaps
Like calling something a wet or dry mop
They are the same
And I think limes are lame
One letter away
Lemons are cool, that's what I say.

6 original Sentences about waffles

1. Isn't waffle that McDonald's starting selling human brains on Mars, so that the martians could get a taste for our blood?

2. Waffles look like tiny pools to fill with syrup, but why not one pool for my syrup.

3. The sausage link used is waffle 5 iron to knock the last cherry into the whipcream pit.

4. When the Mayo of Burgah Tahown uses his waffle sword to dispose of butter demons, he also causes bacon to be burned.

5. Waffle soldiers invaded the the taco nursery of education to step they their sour cream, but they were foiled by chipotle.

6. "I wish this waffle were actually a flat stone that I could throw at my enimies, show here expecting pancakes."

Poetic Review of the Angry Birds Movie

Have you heard?
That the Angry Bird is the Word
It is like a sad story
Weaved inside a flightless bird's story

They call him Red for obvious reason
When the pigs come no one believes him
The movie is animated quite well
And honest most of the jokes are okay, but some are swell

If you lime that mobile game
And you are okay with a plot that's semi-lame
Then prepare to meet some cameos
Pigs, birds, and Eagles oh no

It does a good job using music and flashbacks
To make you feel like Red's life is under attack
The meeting is interesting to say the least
Makes the game seem like a beast
While the pigs want an egg feast
So there are two stars in this nest
If you want give this movie a test

Perfect invention The Soundizer

Do you like being able to hear your TV, but depending on what channel you are watching? Or if it is TV or a movie? Somehow, a show at 16 can sound like a movie on 2.

But the concept of the Soundizer is perfect. It is a device that uses a microphone to listen to the soud of the TV and you adjust the TV via the Soundizer, so on the very likely chance the TV changes volumes on the same number, the Soundizer will take it right back to the volume it was before remotely.

Perfect. Million dollars.

Technical Technologocal Theory

Who are the innovators of technology used by the average everyday person? Apple! And how are they doing this?

Isn't it obvious?

Using the dinosaur alien technology we've recovered over the few alien ships that we've shot down, Apple has been able to reverse engineer their technology. Wrist communicators? Apple watch? More like Ramulan spy equipment.

Do I have any evidence to support this theory? Yeah, obviously.

Adam and Eve were told to not eat the forbidden fruit, whichnwas filled with knowledge. That fruit was high in a tree like an alien space ship, and it was an apple.

Convinced?

Writing prompt with smells

Throw everything you've written away, figuratively. Now, test your skill by writing a story that is only told through the names of smells.

Example:

Morning Breath

Minty Fresh

Acrid Smoke

Burning Wood

Hot exhaust

Fresh hair

Wet lawn

?

Thoughts on the Universe and Dinosaurs and Aliens

So, you know how time seems super unstable and weird... to Einstein and no normal people. Have you also noticed how their were dinosaurs? And also how some people think they've been abducted by aliens.

Well, consider this idea. A localized wormhole opens during the collision of the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs, caused by the molecules striking at a high velocity and heat. During this time, a handful of dinosaurs fall into it, like a time tar pit.

These select few grow into aliens. Some dinosaurs had three fingers, scaly green skin, and during the darkness they were inside of during their hyper evolution, their eyes would become larger and domed shaped.

Yes no...definitely?

Poetic Review of Nerve

Wanna play Nerve?
Because you're 'bout to get served
What you will say?
When they ask if watch or play?

It's got some good musiack
And dares that'll make you sick
When you die you bail
If you don't do the dare, you fail

Want some basic plot from a sitcom?
With a little bit of Nerve.com?
Want to guess what happens next?
Just wait to get a text

I dare you
Yes, I do
To not get angry
When things are easy

The plot is simple steps
Yet, everything else got me impressed
Lightning, shots, camera angles
And people that dangles

It is a good idea
That is fair
But really the plot is sort of bare
Well, 3 out of five stars

Poetic Review of 2012

Imagine for a moment that the world is in jeapordy
But everything gets obliterated Individually
All of Yellowstone explodes
As earthquakes slowly chip the roads

Somehow, the unlikability of the characters is able to cause
The destruction to unpause
Because wherever they go
The destruction is sure to show

But if you like what should be the cause of human extinction
And dull end of the world plot with no distinction
And everything being a major convenience
Plus, the use of very little science

On top of that how about ending with hope
That we could avoid the earths downhill slope
So of you'd like that in your heart of hearts
Then I give it 2 of my stars