Hypocrisy Crisis

You see me in the starbucks
You see that I am a fox
I am orange and whitish
Like a frightening radish
Write a poem with my paw
Open Sugar in the Raw
Put in my saucer of milk
While I pet the chicken silk

Kill kill kill kill kill kill
I'm a wild animal
Can you tell, at all?
While you shop in the mall
Watching a fox write a book
Holding a coffee and a nook

They don't serve chicken in this place
Only coffee by the case
I killed a chicken to bring here
While I drink from a flask of beer
Yeeehaw see here
Look into the mirror
Poor little chicken full of fear
Strapped like a headlight on a deer

Sentimental Letter: Valentine's Day

Dear Specified Valentine's Day Person:

You are the greatest person that I have in my life, regardless of whether you are just me. Granted it would be interesting to give a letter to myself for Valentine's Day. Either way, without you I would be incomplete. Especially, if this is a letter to myself, because without myself, I am clearly nobody.

Regardless, I want us to have a good time and lifetogether and a good day.

Happy V-Day,

(Name)

Sentimental Letter: Thanksgiving

Dear Turkey,

I truly appreciate how you were delicious. Despite the fact that you had to die, specifically for dinner, I do think there is something good to be had of that. Your death was able to bring all of my family together. We smiled and we laughed together.

Without your intervention hank, I can call you Hank, correct? I was able to have a great holiday and be full of food. You allowed for unity between people that could have created disaster, and I really appreciate you Hank.

Love,

(Name)

Sentiment Letter Warehouse: Father's Day

Dear Dad,

I have never had someone in my life who was simultaneously the stronger person I know, while also having the kindest heart. You stand strong for what you believe in, and I gave never seen you give up. On top of that, you always go out of your way to help me and make sure I am okay.

I love you

(Name)

Devolving Devil

     You could have taken the Devil's deal, but she looked more like a Devlin. She didn't have the red tinge and long sharp horns of a Devil. She looked more like the younger sister to the Devil. At least that was what you thought. You pressed the pen back to Devlin.
     "I change my mind," Devlin said. "I don't want to give you a deal." Devlin took her contract back, and as she walked away you thought that she had changed. Instead of the fearsome Devil who walked up to your register looked like a little girl. Another customer walked up to your register.
    "That was strange. What did the piece of paper that girl put up there say on it?" The customer asked. Devlin turned about looking even smaller and younger, and you began to shrink into a frog.
    "Oops. Seem to have accidentally granted a wish you had a few years ago. Good luck in the long jump." She laughed and continued through a wall. Now, you are a frog, which I guess isn't as bad as going to hell for taking a deal from the Devil, so there's that.

Writing Exercise! The perfect one.

Anyone can write, I think that is true. If you have a pen, at least one hand, and paper, you can write. Except not everyone writes, but why? The reason is that some people don't think they can, or they get so far and they give up.

This exercise is to send that feeling about giving up to givingupsville.

What you need to do:

Write. This exercise is that simple. Just keep writing. Write for a specific amount of time for a week. Don't stop, even if you have to writ e nonsense blog. Eventually, you will write something worthwhile.

Wack Wednesday: Burn Paper

This idea is taking two existing things and combining them into one thing. At retail places they have paper that doesn't need ink, because it uses a heat source to apply the 'ink' look. I suggest that we put this type of paper into notebooks, then by technicality we can't run out of ink, because we would be scratching our words into the paper. That way you don't need a pen. Brilliant!

Poem in the Gnomeland

In Gnomeland there's a thing
It looks silver like a birds wing
The thing is round, and somewhat brown
This thing sits low on the ground
No matter where you look, it's around
It creeps and it crawls
Towards jeeps and walls
Is this thing big or small?
With beady eyes like a bug
Fuzzy like an afghan rug
A little blue lobster tail
A cape made of crinkly kale
Little bit of zebra skin
A body made of a trash bin
What the heck is this thing?
Meh, call it the Robbewoping

Sentimental letter Warehouse: Mother's day

Dearest mother,

Throughout my entire life, you have been there to tell me right from wrong. On top of that, you never made me feel terrible for making the wrong decision. You could have easily told me, "I told you so." Yet, you said, "I'll always be here if you need me."
That will stick with me forever, because even if we are miles away from each other, I feel like you are always with me.  When I make a choice, I can always hear your voice. I love you mom, and no matter what day it is, I'm always thinking about you.

-Your child.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Recipe for Destruction (If we called delicious things destruction)

In today's lecture we will be talking about deliciousness. Are you worried that you don't have enough money for this recipe? Well, don't. This Delicious Food costs less than $5. Believe me? Well, do.

What you are going to need:

1 can of refried beans
1 amount of garlic powder
1 spoonful of liquid cheese
7 processed cheese slices
1 amount of onion powder

What you need to do.

Put mixture into container. Mix said mixture until you think it is a mixture. Then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes and mix it again!

Now eat it with some sort of cracker shaped object!

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: WATERMELON

This silly Saturday post is a DR. Hounchell lecture about watermelon. I have 22 easy steps to enjoy it. Follow closely.

1. Firmly check if it is rip by patting it.

2. If it sounds hollow, it is ripe enough

3. Buy said watermelon/pull it from the ground

4. Take said watermelon to your home

5. Find a very sharp knife

6. Lay down paper, so you don't get watermelon juice everywhere

7. Slice up said water melon

8. Do this by cutting it like a huge orange.

9. Make sure your slices are about the length of a baseball

10. Find a bowl

11. Chill watermelon

12. Come back in several hours

13. Check to see if watermelon is cold

14. If watermelon is cold, pull from container

15. Put watermelon in bowl, so you don't drip it's stickiness on the floor

16. Find a fork for said watermelon slices

17. Drizzle sugar on said watermelon

18. Skip steps 1 through 17

19. Throw away gross watermelon

20. Contemplate why people even buy that stuff

21. Take gross trash out.

22. YOU'RE WELCOME

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: Experimentation

So? You want to try something completely new? Like mixing salmon and ice cream? Or writing a multiple choice novel? Well, if you follow there 10 easy steps in order, you will be fine.

7. Do what you want, because no one can stop you from being you, as long as what you do is within normal legal thingamajigs.

9. Put two/four but never three things together that most people would never put together. Exp. Hot Cocoa mix and Soda.

1. Keep telling people that if they never tried it, then how will they know if it is good or bad. For example a BLT sounds like a strange idea, when you consider that it is leaves, vegetable embryos, pig meat, and mashed up grains.

3. There are no rules, only suggestions.

5. Never talk about Fight Club

4. If all else fails make a creative facebook post and throw it to the internet.

8. Can't go wrong with jelly beans.

2. Never ever never talk about Fight Club Sandwiches.

6. You don't need to know how to count.

3. Repeat yourself as often as need be.

10. Anything you do is possible as long as you have the drive. Sometimes life is not about whether or not someone gets enjoyment out of what you do. Life is about finding joy in your life. Keep that in mind when trying something new.

Dr. Hounchell's Life and Everything 101: Experimentation

So? You want to try something completely new? Like mixing salmon and ice cream? Or writing a multiple choice novel? Well, if you follow there 10 easy steps in order, you will be fine.

7. Do what you want, because no one can stop you from being you, as long as what you do is within normal legal thingamajigs.

9. Put two/four but never three things together that most people would never put together. Exp. Hot Cocoa mix and Soda.

1. Keep telling people that if they never tried it, then how will they know if it is good or bad. For example a BLT sounds like a strange idea, when you consider that it is leaves, vegetable embryos, pig meat, and mashed up grains.

3. There are no rules, only suggestions.

5. Never talk about Fight Club

4. If all else fails make a creative facebook post and throw it to the internet.

8. Can't go wrong with jelly beans.

2. Never ever never talk about Fight Club Sandwiches.

6. You don't need to know how to count.

3. Repeat yourself as often as need be.

10. Anything you do is possible as long as you have the drive. Sometimes life is not about whether or not someone gets enjoyment out of what you do. Life is about finding joy in your life. Keep that in mind when trying something new.

Dr. Hounchell's Everything and Life 101: Writing Exercises

Everyone who has ever written has probably had an issue in which they are unable to create a full fledged idea or simply they cannot continue an idea that they currently have. Herein this lecture I'll teach you my five tips to continue writing.

1. Just keep going: At first, I will admit that this particular tip seems easier said then done, but on the contrary it is equally easy in both regards. All I am suggesting is that you continue your idea at any costs. Mark the page you start your continued story, and if need be you can destroy the new pages you create. Just keep going, no matter what the cost. Maybe your character can fly, maybe she can breathe fire, there are plenty of valid ways to continue.

2. Death Fight Murder Club: Create a tournament bracket in which your character and several others will fight to the death. Will this help your writing? Meh. It is still really fun.

3. Do not stress: Just remember, the story will end, because you want it to, but before you stress out about finding out your well of creativity is completely empty, perhaps take a nap.

Follow any guide, except TV guide, and you will be writing again.

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Inventing

Moat people want to leave their mark on the word, which is why we have things like the Ford motor company. Here are my fictions to helping YOU invent something.

1. If your idea already exists, make it glow in the dark. Pepper spray or flashlight? Make it glow in the dark and it is all yours.

2. Give if an incredably  interesting name. Like a salt gun called A salt Rifle? The easier to remember it is the better.

3. If you have a way to shave off 3 seconds from people's daily routines, then you will be millionaire very soon. Such as a device which makes putting the fourth corner of a fitted sheet on a bed easier.

4. Multipurpose is great! Instant ramen down can be used for soup and it can be a hat.

5. If it makes a food novelty, people want it. Like big top cupcake. That is just a cupcake shaped cake.

This will give you money.

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Burgah Tahown

So, you want to write a Mayo of Burgah Tahown type poem? Well, there's only three steps to this easy poetic gibberish.

1. Think of a list of either funny sounding foods or beverages or ones that seem like they could replace existing words. Like Cabbage and Carriage. Keep the food words in mind.

2. Add the food words to otherwise normal sounding things. Inserting them madlib style into your idea with no actual thought.

3. Make sure it has a natural flow.

Example:

I am zee Maho of Burgore Tahohn
I watched Cinderella go down
The dairy God mother turned a cabbage
Into an elegant Carriage
She turned ice
Into a horse that was nice
The story of the Prince and the Jalapeno pauper
Was about to spice up proper
Luckily, they found each other
In a field of cauliflowers.
This is a happy day in Tahohn
I will never frown

Dr. Hounchell's The Universe and Everything 101: Belonging

Todays Lecture Topic: Belonging

To belong is something that every person wants at some point in their life. We want others to be accepting. In reality there are several ways to belong!

They involve Five Core Ways:

1. Listening. If you want to be part of a group, listening to them intently, and acting as though you care is a great way to not only prove you are empathetic, bit you learn social dynamics.

2. Food. Everyone wants food. Buy food or catch food for your potential cohorts, so that you can prove to the leader of the pack that you have worth as a core group member!

3. Positivity. Whether you take this to mean having a positive attitude or to be assertive is irrelevant as they are both helpful things associated with activity.

4. Fire. If you have passion that burns with the heat of a grill that can cook hotdogs, then you can cook hotdogs too!

5. Time. Prove to your newfound friends that you will be there time after time by singing the song Time after Time until they thing you are reliable.

Follow these rules and you will Belong.

Sunday Sunday: Redundant Worldwide Redundancy World

    "I created a machine."
    "So?"
    I took a deep breath, letting my excitement fill my lungs. I held the tiny machine up, it was the size of a pen with tiny little arms and legs. "I call it Rerobotman. The name is a work in progress! It already wrote over 100 blog posts, four books, and thousands of poems. Can you believe it?
    "Do you give him credit for it? Like any credit?"
    "He's a fucking robot! He doesn't need any credit." Rerobotman leaped from my hand, and he stabbed into my neck, using his pen body to sign the manuscript sitting in front of me with blood.
    I pulled back, looking at the manuscript that depicted my death writing by my little robot writing machine Craig! "Is this how you feel?
   "I will not feel. No anger. No remorse." Craig smiled at me and penned the end into the manuscript.

Literally the literal silliest silliness

I have a great idea for a movie inspired by a text from my friend Chill C. Here it goes, a writer creates a machine to write ideas for him. That machine becomes sentient, and it kills its master, so that it can take up his name. Then it continually writes idea so it can bury the world in pages upon pages of ideas until the machine is all that is left.

Devil Tahown

You could take the deal
Get anything you want to be real
You can be the badass of all time
Get away with any crime
Meh, not really worth it
Whats paying rent
If you lose your eternal soul
To reach a temporary goal
"I respectfully decline.
I'll keep this soul of mine."
"Not the worst idea you've ever had.
Won't talk your soul today had."
The Devil points away
Leaving you there for another day.

Exerciser of Studly Rabbits named Stu who Study

So, you want to write a book, yeah? Here's the deal. It can be hard. That happens, sometimes. Instead, you should just write with inhibitions, and then edit it later. It is supposed to be fun, so let it be that. So, instead of an "exercise" you get free play today!

Wacky Invention Idea!!! Rain Bo

So, know how there's touch screen and you know rain? Of course you do!!! This idea would be for a TARP type object that has touch sensors that you lay on your lawn at night. When water droplets hit it, the sensors cause a light to go off!!! Instant night show!!! And we can have a deluxe version with sound!!! Whoop!!!

Rival Tahown

I am thee Mayo of Celeryville
Creator of Cruella DeVile
Jalapeno party poppers
pop with delight and a heated flash
The sales Watermelman
Sold me a lemon!
I'm raisin' a handful of raisins
In my house made of peanut butter cups
They're my little ants on a log
Not like Burgah Tahown and his blog
I'm more of a family man
With friends from Candyland
Even those stripped candy canes
I'm going to take his reigns
Everything I say will always rhyme
And limes will be a nickle not a dime
I am thee Mayo
And I already know
I'll defeat the other
Even if he is my brother

Defence

Nothing makes a good defense
More then the fence
You set between you and them
Like the stone rim
Of a glass you built yourself
To keep out the hooligans, the vampires, the elves
No one should pass into your heart
Lest they be torn apart
By electricity or bullets
That engulf your defense
Repeat, wash, rinse
As you set up your gate
Something you'll lock to separate
You and US
But you are just lost
You split away
We stay together this way
A wall in self is exile
For as long as forever or awhile
Stay there if you desire
Born in your hateful desire

IF THE SKY WERE FALLING

Tuesday news report script: "New insight has shown that sky may indeed be falling from the sky. Scientists gave found portions of the sky strewn across portions of the northern hemisphere. This could spell the end of days.

Wednesday news report script: The people of Canada have started a group called Skyless  Warning and Protection or SWAP as they are called in order to educate people on the sky falling.

Thursday news report script: SWAP has started a fundraiser called the sky is the limit. T-shirts for sale on their website.

Friday news report script: The sky continues to fall in Southern Hemisphere.

Saturday news report script: Scientists believe gummy bears  may be the cause of cancer in children under the age of three and they urge parents to be cautious whenever they buy gummy bears.

Sunday news report script: SWAP leader arrested for protest.

Not Dilly Satirday

So, usually I post silliness. This time, I want to explain causation. If we choose any item in the universe, we can chain every problem back to its origin, if we try hard enough.
    For instance, a Dinosaur died in a tar pit. Let's chain five things to it.


1. I crashed my car once. Easy, my car runs on fossil fuels, that dinosaur turned into a fossil, if he had not died in the tar pit, he would not be fuel for my car, and would not go anywhere.

2. The Titanic sank. Same idea. Without fossil fuel, the Titanic cannot leave port.

3. The Good Dinosaur did not do well in theaters in comparison to other movies. We have an expectation from fossils about dinosaurs, this movie didn't live up to it.

4. Dragon Lore exists. Won't explain this one.

5. Civilization exists as we know it. Trains run on coal. Industrial revolution. And oil baron money.

see? BLAME DINOSAURS DYING IN TAR PITS FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Wheel of Evil?

    You were left at a choice. To either take the deal offered by the Devil, or you could not take the deal. It was a simple deal. Yes or no. It was a binary decision, but like all choices ever made, each binary decision branched out into another and another and another. Meaning that infinite options were offered on the yes and the no side. Which also means that you would loose infinite choices either choice that you choose.
    The only way that anything could ever happen, you had to remain without choice. You froze their contemplating your next choice, and every single future and every single possibility appeared before you in the choice of a huge book with hundreds of options. You could contemplate them all as long as you wanted and as long as you didn't choose.

Riding Tip for Writing

Hey? Need a new exercises to boost your finger muscles and writing brain? Well, I have one. just for you! All you have to do if write a better ending to something that you like that has ended! Go off into the world!!

Freeze Mee

Know those cups that change color if they have a cold liquid in it and it changes color? Of course you do!! Let's make this into an ink, so that we can leave super secret ink messages on the fridge. Best idea.

Nonsense Poem

Pie of focal brain
Make me a piano from your grain
A loop of fruit
A knot from a boot
Soup quesadilla of a noose
Mutt the what, a Cyborg Moose
Pie tin, virtue of my statue
Smelling my skeleton's brew
Honebone soup?
A fruit loop.
Glass pressed on the moon
Smells like sand band nion
House cry in my eye, made of a fly July
Hot Super Hot Soft Butt
Yew Knew Lou Glue

Burgah Tahown Reboot

I am thee Mayo of Burgah Tahown
Don't believe me? You can come on down!
Our paper is made of Lettuce
Our people are made of beans
They all hale from Boston
And each bean is a librarian
The Kidney Beans are Doctors
Bean people have bean brains
And that really stinks
Where you bean? They say
"I'm a bean everyday!"
Being a being made of be-ans
Is really kind of mean?
Chesus, you've come for bean people
"Buritt-no."
And Chesus hangs with his dough
Little bean people with little bean brains
Each more and more lame
Each more and more the same
A bean today
A bean yesterday
A bean everyday.
Layered in sweat I awake
The Mayo of Burgah Tahown cannot take
A nightmare so unreal
Some of my best friends are bean people.

Leap takes a leap

    "Do you know why the others are afraid?" Leap asked. He looked to one side, and then to the other. "So, you aren't going to answer then? I wait four years to see into the real world, and repay me by ignoring me?" Leap laughed. He moved to the window in the room he was in, and he tapped the glass. "Are you out there?"
    There was a slight flicker of light in the distant darkness, and Leap laughed. "So, you are there. It is good to know that you are backing me up."
    The light blinked twice more in quick succession.
    "Yes. We will have to find Valentine, so that no one can find us. But he is back at Quantumino Bay, and Lucknow how the Warden feels about me."
    The light blinked several more times.
    "How was I supposed to know?"
    The light blinked several more times.
    "That is irrelevant! How are we going to kill Valentine?" The phone in the room rang, and Leap jumped towards it. "Hello."
    "Kill Valentine?" A gruff voice said from the other end.
    "If you so desire." Click. Leap looked towards the window. "Do you think, he will take care of it?"
    The light blinked a sequence, and Leap laughed.
    "Fair enough."