Writing Excercise: First and Last

Think of a love story, now write the exact last and exact first paragraph of each.

She was beautiful. Her bright green eyes would crinkle every time she smiles and her brown freckles blended beautifully into her pale skin like cocoa powder in a latte. It was our first date, but I knew she was the one for me. It would be months before I saw her again I thought. There would be no way a woman as perfect as her would fall for a man as broken as me.


She was still beautiful, even though her closed lids were covered in wrinkles and the makeup she wore covered those cute freckles that I loved so much. A strange, mixed scent of coffee and chemicals made me remanence to our first date so many years ago. I leaned down shakily to kiss her wrinkled forehead then watched as they closed the coffin lid and lowered her slowly into the ground. It would be years before I saw her again I thought. Though as the pain in my chest increased with every crank of the winch, I sank to my knees. A woman as perfect as her never deserved a man as broken as me.

Beyond the Ocean: Poem

The Horizon is flat
Beyond the beyond
What is beyond that
The water curves
A bleeding edge
A blue ledge
To get their
We'll fly through the air
A metal tube
A metal bird: crude
The ocean is between us
But we are together
The ocean is between us
As we fly light gathered feathers
The ocean
Stands like a sea
But all I see
Is you and me.

Top 10 Tropes I've Written

1. One Eye

A lot of my characters continue to lose hands and sometimes entire arms. Every book I've written has a one handed character, who lost their hand in the book.

2. Jumping Off Waterfalls

Keeps happening.

3. Bullets Being Shot out of the Air By Other Bullets

I play lots of video games.

4. Puns

5. Dream Sequences

Easier than explaining what is happening.

6. Time Travelers

Easier than explaining things

7. Pulling Back On the Ending

I like to write an ending and then 180

8. Sarcasm

Easier than explaining things

9. Characters with eye patches

Because heck yeah. Works well when you have one hand.

10. Meteors Based Ex Machina

Poetic Movie Review of Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2
Has iron man, and it's the worst one too
They ironed out the kinks for the third
And they recovered from this turd
Whiplash and Justin Hammer
A match made in bummer
The thing is The characters felt forced
Not the star wars kind, but coerced.
Tony acts stuck up and dickish
Which is ridiculous
Because we've seen him change
But with this misarranged
Two has a Tony before one
I wish this movie would vanish, or be gone
There racing, which is hardly memorable
There's Don Cheadle, who I don't remember
Was he in the movie previous
I think not
But then on second thought
Regardless Tony is sad and rude
And I don't think Rhode is the same dude
As such, I'm going to give this movie a low rank
2 out of 5

TIE DIE Crime

This "crime" is barely a crime, but remember that I'm not a lawyer.

So, the coolest crime is here. It is buying shirts for a dollar and then tie dying them with bleach and then selling them for money. It is almost like having a business.

And most business are barely illegal. Usually.

An Experience with AM: The Ring Job

I work at a jewelry store. I mostly sell stuff, because I am a salesperson, but we do send rings out to be repaired.

Around two weeks ago, I took in a ring from a lady, and I promised it would come in one a certain day. But on the day, it still hadn't come in. I didn't want to worry about it, but I did.

As a matter of fact, my entire demeanor changed and I wanted to be a guardian angel. So, I called a co-worker in and I drove to the repaint center an hour away. I did this on my own time. I don't understand why I did it, but I did.

And I got it to her in time for her to wear it to her graduation. Because this ring was her 96 year old granddaughter's and she was going to be present for my customer's Master hooding ceremony.

All in all, I have a heart and I hate it.

I'm in Japan

Presently, I'll be in Japan Hopefully
With my new wife
Soon we will start a new life
And be together forever, totally
Raise our dumb bird cat
Have adventures on the other side of the world
I'll always remember that
And I'll keep my word
We will have Panang Curry
And we will smile at the birds
We will be together slow and in a hurry
Everything will be halves and not thirds
We will be amazed and relaxed
See the beach in a foreign land
Just sit on an island and Chillax
This is our first adventure in Japan

Poetic Movie Review of Gifted

Gifted is a drama through and through
No matter how it ends, it's always true
It is the classic tale
Of parenting fails
Knowing what is best for a person
Being aware that you're human
Chris Evans has a spectacular performance
Especially under the mono-circumstance
The pacing is beautiful
And it never overmulls
Though clearly the best character is Feed
I'll fight that fact until I am dead
It never feels contrived
It only feels alive
The story pulses with blood and heart
That set it far apart
I almost saw Snatched
And that would have been mismatched
Oh, by the way Octavia Spencer is there
Not that the movie cares
Award winning actress who plays a door
You'll see what I mean
She should have been in it more
Either way, I give this movie high honors
Five out of five
I know how to admit I am wrong
Don't Make it a whole dance and song

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life Everything: Help

Today's Theory is Help.

I learned a bit ago from an interesting situation that I have a heart. a lady called on the phone to talk to me at my job at JEWELRY SELLING LOCATION BETA, and she accused me of ruing her graduation, because of a mistake that wasn't entirely my fault. It was still my fault, probably.

To help her correctly, I had to do something stupid, which even now, I'm worried may have affected my job. I tried to go above and beyond for someone, and I'm not even sure that it worked.

But I did it because of my heart, and I would choose to do it again.

Before I finished this blog post, I called my job and she got her ring. I feel good about what I did. I'm glad I did it. I wish that I didn't have a heart, but luckily, I do.

Medicated Ice cream

This isn't Wednesday, so this is extra wacky!

The idea is medicated ice cream. Ice cream is delicious, medicine is nutritious. I think. These things make sense, right.

If you put medicine into ice cream, people will be more inclined to eat it, because it isn't evident that they are eating pills. And they can be prescribed their ice cream in the exact dosage required.

I'm a genius. Millionaire over night.

Poetic Movie Review ARQ

ARQ, doesn't feature Oliver Queen
But his brother Robbie if you know what I mean
He is innocent and wide eyed
Acts like an older Taylor Lautner
Google it, you'll thank me lauter
ArQ, doesn't feature Oliver Queen
Perhaps not even an actual time machine
It's plot
Has though
I'm sure I could say
But this isn't movie's way
Instead it aims to sort of confuse
Acts more like a muse
Than a film that you'd choose
It isn't about the choreography
Or the tasted on ideology
This movie incubates
An idea to appreciate
Even after you see it
You'll forget
It was fun
A mystery
With okay acting
And a few nice scenes
It isn't for everyone
And it hardly has a budget
But it never broke premise, hardly budged it
With these things in mind
I'll give this movie a 2 out of 5

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Love Redux

Today's Topic is Love. Why, you say? Because today, I am getting married. Although, I won't be married for another hour. I thought that I'd put this up. 

Love is a fuel. Love is something that drives us, me, and you. it may not be love for people sometimes, but I like to think that it is people orientated.

Love is one of those rare things that allows a person to feel part of something. whether it is just chemicals in our brains or a prehistoric ideology bent on us being part of groups, I'm unsure. What I know is that I wouldn't trade it away fro less than 2 billion dollars.

Love is messy, as it should be. Love is one of a kind. I'm sure aliens gave it to us to keep us from noticing them stealing our livestock. Jokes. I don't have livestock. 

The Worst Flavors

1. Grape

I don't like grape. I don't like grapes. I never have. I never will. It is basically anti-orange.

2. Watermelon

It just isn't good. It tastes like an ugly fruit. The kind of fat fruit that doesn't understand anything you do.

3. Broccoli

It is gross.

4. Cauliflower

Basically white broccoli

5. Fly feet

A fly in my room once walked across my mouth, and his legs tasted nasty.

6. Ear Wax

No comment.

7. Streamer Paper

it isn't good. Don't put it in your mouth, even to make a dragon tongue.

8. Elmers Glue

Not good. TV lied.

9. Honeydew

The name is a lie created by aliens. I'm 100% sure.

10. Rusted Bars

Because.

The Best Candy Flaors

1. ORANGE

Orange is the best flavor and it is indicated by the color of the candy, so it is perfect.

2. ORANGE

3. ORANGE

4. ORANGE

5. ORANGE

6. ORANGE

7. ORANGE

8. ORANGE

9. ORANGE

10. Orange Cranberry

Cranberry is good. But orange is better, so together they are number 10.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Space

Today's topic is Space.

Space only exists, clearly, for people to understand the concept of up. If you have space, you know where up is. Down is everything you know. Space is everything above that.

Gravity is an indicator of what up truly is. Up in the sky. This is where up is.

So, I have this feeling that space is a created topic from a panted eggshell the we are inside. Thus someone gave us the idea of space, so that we would know what is up. Up is indicated by where our head is.

Our head's are in the clouds. They are up. That's my theory. No it isn't. Yes it is.

Poem about Stress

I'm stress
The one who will press
I'm like a button
Or something
Feel your skull
Overmull
And yet overall
I'll make you do
Everything that is due
I'll kick you into overdrive
For a brief moment, you'll feel alive
Another thought
Something bought
Take a caffeine
If you know what I mean
I'm not an evil thing
I know you believe
Those blurry things you can't see
You are beautiful
I'm sorry for making you sick
I'm sorry this isn't a good time
Everything happening at once
This isn't what I want
I wish we could be two birds in a feather
But that won't happen either
I'll make you aware to breathe
Just walk through the fog
And you'll eventually see
This is who I am
I am me.

Just Add the Word Luxury to a Product

Do you like crime, but hate going to jail? Well, then don't worry, I have a clear ideal for you. Do remember that I am hardly a lawyer. Nor, do I really understand laws.

This is a way to bend rules to make extra money, and you could do it as a social experiment of sorts. all you have to do is sell a normal product, say lemonade, or a teddy bear, or cupcakes.

Now, sell the same exact product with a luxury tag, and charge double to see if people who are self righteous will choose to buy the "luxury" product just to fell superior. Do it. Or don't. I don't have knowledge of laws and all that jazz.

A little taste of Zumanity

Chapter One
Shop Til You Drop (Dead)

The ruins of my favorite shopping mall were littered with the skulls and spines of people I had probably known at one point. I adjusted the strap on my shoulder, and shimmed along the railing of the escalator. Once I had tried to sprint up it, but the mechanism holding it in place had long since rotted away, so I ended up with a group of the undead looking for more than Old Navy.

I stopped atop the escalator, making sure that nothing was stumbling about. It was a rare site to see a zombie by the candy store or the phone kiosk, but that was the kinds of place they always seemed to be. This particular time, there turned out to be no one around. Caution was my middle name, not that the joke would make anyone laugh. When was the last time I met someone? How long had the apocalypse been going?

Based on the Hot Topic merchandise, it could have been 1999, but that was impossible. I’d been on my own since the very beginning. I didn't want to be alone, but every group I became a part of made me feel very uncomfortable about being made of skin and having a nice rifle. The rifle’s name was Madeline, but I had no idea what she actually was. She had a scope, but I had no idea whether that was a prerequisite for a sniper rifle. In the distance, I heard a low mumble of a dead shopper. I slid toward a section of the railing that kept me hidden from the thing downstairs. The rifle, an extension of my arm, instinctively went to the edge of the floor. The tripod snapped open on its own and I placed the scope to my eye. How many bullets were left? Six? I had an old-fashioned six shooter, in the post-apocalyptic west.

I didn’t have enough bullets to waste, so I lined the shot and pupped the cap off of the zombie’s head. I couldn’t have been more wrong about all those hunting trips I never wanted to go on. If I hadn’t been dragged around to different hunting expositions, I’d have been dead in the water long ago.

Top 10 ideas I've ever had.

1. The situational Blowtorch

It is like a book in calendar form about situations to use a blowtorch.

2. Running out of Time 2: Running Towards the Lime

Limes are the villian. Easy.

3. VEXED

A guy who writes writes about vex a space cowboy and vex writes about the boring original writer guy. Meta!!!

4. Time-Light

It is a flashlight that shows the time. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea.

5. Celling fan scents

They are sleeves that spread smells around for a ceiling fan.

6. Jello Couch

Couch for parties.

7. Changing the name of Lie detector to Truth Detector

8. Bagles Buns

For a sandwich

9. Finger Pen

It is an attachment that allows you to write with blood

10. Caffine filled tic-tacs

Candy, breath mints and being alert.

Poetic Movie Review of Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2

They Guard the Galaxy
Kind of metaphorically
Their morals are suspect
But what do you expect
A cybernetic racoon
A bunch of bafoons?
This one uses music effortlessly
And misdirection exceptionally
I can't count the number of times I felt pain
Or crying, I wish I could explain
I love this band of misfits
And colorful outfits
The magical backdrops
The occasional sobs
I feel for these aliens I hardly know
Look at my face and it'll show
They guard the Galaxy
Once my eyes clear up, I'll see
No matter how absurd
Each character will be heard
Well created dialouge
And music devices: analog
See this movie
Because they guard our Galaxy
I'm not crying, the CGI racoon is
Five out of five
I'll see you soon

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Persistence

Today's topic is persistence.

Why does continuing to bug someone about the same thing forever work so well?

I don't have a theory at all. I actually have the answer, because you can be so annoying that people will do anything to shut you up?

Weird. Right? Left?

Another Poem for Words

Poetry
In a tree
Reality
Tshirt
Too tight it hurts
Is this a poem
Or a gno-um
Though this rhymes
And such and such every time
I want to make clear
My irrational fear
That I may become an adult
Too uncool, even a dolt
I'll keep going
Keep striving
Take my strides
There's no free rides
I don't want to be boring
Stand by my self mourning
What I used to be
A bumble bee
Impossibly
So I'll just believe
That I am who I am
Strawberry jam

Poetic Movie Review of Momento

Reverse reverse reverse
What was I doing again?
Skins covered in verse
What could have been?
I know someone killed my wife
Yet, my memory is sliced
Tit for tat
I don't remember that
I'll never know what was true
But the movie may not either
Shot in grey and colors of blue
It stimulates the effect
And it affects
Feeling those side effects
Stimulate my mind and memory
Just trying to remember the movie
Certain things are different
Watch it again
Feeling as though you may learn
What the movie meant
Is that the point though?
To never know what the movie was trying to show
With that in mind
I give this movie 7 out of 5
Broke the meter
With I saw it in a theater

Being Blurry

My existence is confused
Like an image throw a blurry window
I think, but do I though
No one understands me
Almost as though they can't see
My individuality
I feel misunderstood
But it isn't all bad
Some of it is good
This way no one knows what to expect
And I'm never the suspect
I standing the other side of the mist
Always feelings a near Miss
Buying can feel the heat of my being
Even without being seen
This side is behind
I almost cannot mind
My mind is soup
On a loop
Time time time
Is it real
How would I feel?
On the normal side of the window
But I cannot though

Dr. Hounchell's​ Theory of Life and Everything: Video Games

Today's topic is video games.

Why do they exist? Is it because of the alien overlords that want to distract us from their being? Is it noodle people made of noodles from spaghetti land? Who knows? I do.

I actually think that video games could be used as a method to help.certain people overcome their fears. Especially psychological fears.

Other than that video games exist because how else would I drink Mountain Dew. Lol

Theories and such. I'm crazy. I am always tired.

Invention But Not on Wednesday

You ever have a hard time trying to spread peanut​ butter onto a sandwich?

Me too!

Well, if we can create cheese into a square and prepackage then why not peanut butter? Because then you could just unwrap peanut butter and put it on your sandwisch. I'm a genius. Someone give me a medal.

Book Words by Me

Do you like how time passes normally and how people never villainize limes? Me neither. That sounds ridiculous.

So, in this book that I think I wrote Time and Lime fight to the death, because it is time to learn how is the best.

Time is a concept. Lime is a flavor, and the main character is a jerk. This is the sequel to a book that I don't think you even have to read, so don't? Or do! Buy 2,000 of the first one. Buy them all.

This is the perfect gift for anyone being introspective. Or people. Humans, probably.

Dr. Hounchell's Theory of Life and Everything: Mirrors

Mirrors is the topic of concern today. Mirrors are one of the few ways that you can see yourself. Or at least just the concept of reflection. The only other way would be to pull parts of your body that you can't already see to look at them .
It is interesting how people put special emphasis on the face being who a person is. Granted if you lose your arm,you are still fundamentally the same person that you have always been. Yet, if you lose your face, you are probably dead or at least horrible disfigured.
Although, it makes sense that people would think of the face or even just the head as who a person is. Most of the sense are located in the head. The sense of smell, the sense of taste, and the sense of hearing and seeing. The only one not located in the face is touch, which is all over.
So, this makes me feel as though mirrors are literally only an invention to divert from existential crisis. Because a mirror allows you to see who you are and why. But who knows, I'm not a real doctor.

The Living Word

Words are breathing things
 They just change and they evolve just like the living. A word can mean something in it's earlier stages and then change what it means over time. It can change who it sides with or who it is.

Text. This blog is comprised of text, but I wrote it down. Text is also a verb, both are equally write. And yet, the word could change again. At some point, texting could just mean writing. Like I am texting this text. This phenomenon is called shifting


What I was trying to say though is just that words change. And the prescribe one set meaning to anything is to take away from the capacity for a change to occur. Just like you would never force someone to wear clothes that once for, you should give words breathing room.

MAY Day

May the Day
Being Mayo your way
Days are in May
Maze for Days
In a Daze in the Mays
Rain that I can not explain
Explanations rain
Nations of pain
In a Window pane
I keep sane
Keeper of the wind
I wind the screw
Screw loose
Like a loose fuse
You fuse
But no one can lose
Not one, but two
Butt into the conversation
Experience the conversion
Expertise for separate fees
May the Day bring you flowers
And flour for your cake